A few days ago, we learned that scienticians had a major breakthrough in the science of creating robot monkeys; we thought that if they could only find monkeys that were also pirates, then humanity would no longer have to strive, to search, to create. We humans would have fashioned the ultimately cool super-beings.
But no! Here at The Skwib, we believe — no, we know — there are other combinations of artificially enhanced animal marauders that would be equally cool. Viking kittens, for example, would be almost as interesting as pirate monkeys. Cybernetic Viking Kittens would be sweet. (Especially if they had their own sound track, like these Scandinavian pusses.)
Some of you will naturally want to see animals steeped in the art of ninjitsu, which is just kind of sad. Ninjas, apart from generally sucking, are not marauders. They are assassins. Political or paid assassins, usually, and where is the fun in that? So, while we agree that a Mecha Ninja Squirrel (or God forbid, some kind of adolescent mutated reptile, trained by a rat) might sound intriguing, they would fall into another category entirely.
So, we hope that the scientific community will continue its good work with the robot monkeys, and at the same time, look into creating some other, equally awesome creatures:
- Electromechanical Buccaneer Armadillos
- Nuclear-powered Corsair Manatees
- Automatic Bandit Platypuses
- Carbine-toting Goth Penguins (the type that invaded Rome, not the depressed teenagers — Goths, not Penguins)
- Hun Puppies (with machine guns instead of floppy ears)
If we have missed any obvious combinations, please leave them in the comments.
Graphic by Goats.com, where you can get it on a t-shirt. humor-blogs.com
I’ve always thought an army of Silicon-based Berzerker Gerbils would be an extremely useful tool to have at one’s disposal.
But perhaps I’ve said too much.
Dilithium-infused pivateer squid who shoot cannonballs instead of ink.