Ask General Kang: So where do you stand on this whole Danish cartoon thing?

I’m against them. Not because they’re offensive, but because they are badly drawn.

You humans are interesting, and this latest clash of cultures is most illuminating. When my fleet gets here — and eventually it will — I think I know how to sow a little discord on this pretty blue planet to make my job of conquering you a bit easier.

For the Muslim world, I’ll just pre-empt regular Al-Jezeera programming with my pilot sit-com, “Everybody Hates Muhammad!”

In the West, all I have to do is attack your sacred freedom of speech. Perhaps if a leading dissident protests at a State of the Union address I’ll have her arrested. Or I could wiretap private phone calls!

No, wait, that won’t work…

Oh, I know, I’ll just pre-empt a major sporting event with my pilot sit-com, “Everybody Hates Muhammad!”

Next time: Where do you stand on the whole, “sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t” debate?