Author Archive | ProfessorQuippy

Professor Quippy: Writers beware, those rejection notes have a cost

By ProfessorQuippy on August 10, 2010 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy. New research at the University of California, Los Angeles, shows that social rejection may increase your risk of developing arthritis.

This explains all the unpublished (or barely published) writers hobbling around with bad knees, out-of-work actors with permanent back-aches, and painters with gnarled knuckles. The cost of all those rejections has caused arthritis. (And a certain amount of existential crisis.)

Actually, I’m just inferring this — the study only looked at social rejection in the context of in-person rejection. (Which would STILL apply to the actors.) According to the New Scientist:

Psychologist George Slavich and colleagues asked 124 volunteers to give speeches and perform mental arithmetic in front of a panel of dismissive observers. Saliva analysis showed they exhibited elevated levels of two inflammation markers. … Functional MRI scans showed this triggered increased activity in two brain regions associated with rejection. Participants with the highest inflammatory responses showed the greatest increases in brain activity.

The research hopes to help understand the brain’s role in conditions related to inflammation (including asthma, arthritis, cardiovascular disease and depression).

Also, it is actively trying to discourage people from going into the arts, because apparently, low pay, parental ridicule and extensive existential crisis aren’t enough.

Alltop thinks you should get a real job. New Scientist: Harsh words may hurt your knees.

Professor Quippy: Research shows chatting with babes is good for a man’s mental health

By ProfessorQuippy on July 22, 2010 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy More groundbreaking science from the Institute of the Painfully Obvious has revealed what men have instinctively understood since we came down out of the trees and starting knocking about on the plain: having ANY kind of conversation with an attractive woman is good for a man’s mental health.

Not to be too facetious though … the mechanics of this truth are kind of interesting. Researchers at the University of California recruited 149 male volunteers between the ages of 18-24. Two thirds of the group got to spend five minutes being interviewed by the most smoking research assistants the scientists could hire (without arousing the suspicions of the Department of Feminist Studies). One third got to talk to some male nerd.

The lucky 100 interviewed by the hotties saw a huge spike in their testosterone and cortisol levels (14% and 48% respectively.) The poor bastids interviewed by the wretched male nerd actually saw a tiny drop in both levels.

Cortisol helps reduce stress and improves mood. Testosterone, that most maligned of man-juices, makes a man more alert and focused, and even helps with cardiovascular health. (Of course, too much can cause problems.)

With any luck, we’ll soon see therapeutic regimes that put this important research into practice. I would also like to take this opportunity to suggest to the researchers a new line of inquiry: are there positive effects on a man spending a few hours in a strip club.

Come on people, it’s for science!

Alltop loves it some science. Via. Read the study at the Royal Society website.

Irony Alert! Alcohol protects your brain from head injuries

By ProfessorQuippy on September 22, 2009 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy: Irony Alert! In the annals of unintended consequences, few are as baffling as this new finding that suggests alcohol helps protect the brain from head injuries.

A study of 38,000 people with noggin’ trauma discovered that for every 100 people who died when sober, only 88 died when they had a little liquor in their limbic system.

According to Lead researcher Ali Salim of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles: “We need a better understanding of the exact mechanism, the appropriate dose and specific timing of treatment before we can embark on clinical trials.”

Woo! Sign me up! Free booze.

Oh wait, I’ll probably have to get whacked on the head too, won’t I?

Ah, it’s just another Saturday night down at the pub.

Lest we get too excited about all this, you should know Salim also warns us that alcohol actually causes half of all head injuries. We shall call this the Irony Factor.

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