Tag Archives | alternate history

Remember, Remember the Fifth of November

Bonfire -- Guy Fawkes nightThomas Cadwell watched as the children danced around the bonfire, singing:

A penny loaf to feed the Pope.
A farthing o’ cheese to choke him.
A pint of beer to rinse it down.
A fagot of sticks to burn him.

He marked the fifth of November — as all in England did — though it was a strange kind of celebration. But he was old enough to actually remember the events they all sang about. He’d been in London when it happened; he had been just a boy, no more than five or six, visiting relatives for the opening of the parliament, and the celebrations that would accompany the long-awaited event.

Burn him in a tub of tar.
Burn him like a blazing star.

Back then England had been partly Catholic, even if there were no rights for them. Not anymore.

Burn his body from his head.
Then we’ll say ol’ Pope is dead.
Hip hip hoorah!
Hip hip hoorah!

His family couldn’t get very close to the Houses of Parliament, because of the crowds. It ended up saving Thomas’s life. The explosion had been spectacular: When the gunpowder went off, the House of Lords was reduced to rubble, killing King James and many nobles instantly. Everyone within 100 yards of the building was killed — the crowds outside, the Commons, all of the Lords — and the stained glass in Westminster Abbey shattered like the uneasy peace between Catholics and Protestants.

But the carnage was not over.

It came to light that the catastrophe was a Catholic conspiracy; the plotters tried to set Princess Elizabeth, James’s eldest daughter, on the throne. But England was having none of it. Catholics were rooted out and slaughtered, though some were allowed to convert to the Church of England.

Thomas had been one of those. In 1605 he’d only been six — younger even than the new King, Henry — and the mob that hunted down his Catholic family showed him mercy.

But not his father or mother, his brother or sisters.

Remember, remember the fifth of November,
The gunpowder, treason and plot,
I see of no reason why gunpowder treason
Should ever be forgot.

He knew the children dancing around the flames could not remember what happened, so he was not angry with them for starting to sing the song again, dancing now with even more fervor. Since that day, Parliament had never met again, and the King’s power in Great Britain was absolute.

A tear ran down his face, and Thomas looked away, as the children continued dancing, and singing as the flames licked the darkening sky.

A papist plot of great extent,
Blew up the King and the Parliament.
Three score barrels of powder below,
Poor old England to overthrow:

By God’s providence they were catch’d
The Catholic treason was o’ermatched.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, make the bells ring.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!
Hip hip hoorah!

Inspired by: The Gunpowder Plot | Bonfire pic by Dan Taylor. Originally published in 2006.

Alternate History Fridays: The Consolation of Victory

The consolation of victory

It didn’t matter what our politics were. Each member of Faculty was expected to attend the ceremony.

After I cleared security, the University’s Protocol Officer grabbed me by the elbow, and asked me to join the presentation party on the stage. He registered my shock, and said, “well, we have to include our only Nobel winner in the honor party, or it would look strange. Don’t worry, the Krigveder’s people approved it, Professor Flannigan.”

Great. I was going to have to hide my disgust with the whole affair. I took my seat, thankfully in the back row.

When everyone was seated the President of Hellmuth University, a windbag at the least auspicious of times, took the opportunity to really wow us with his wooden presence. Then without fanfare a troop of soldiers took up positions in Convocation Hall, looking quite sinister in their polished black Impact Armor and toting long autopistols. The Protocol Officer announced: “Please stand for The Great Leader, Jans Midren, Krigveder of the Afrikaner Empire.”

People shuffled to their feet and Midren walked into the room. For a man in his late seventies, he looked surprisingly vital and alert. He strode purposefully to the podium, and pointedly ignored our president. Midren launched into his speech without preamble or style.

Read the rest of this story…>

Alltop is the Krigveder of humor aggregators. This short story originally appeared in Paradox, January 2004.

Alternate History: The Tragedy of William Tell

Wilhelm Tell and his son -- statueHis son, Jemmy, looked calm and free of fear, despite being tied to a post in the Altdorf market square. He’d seen his father shoot and he knew that he was in little danger, but Wilhelm was nervous.

Normally, he’d have no trouble shooting the apple off his son’s head. But Hermann Gessler was a nasty piece of work, and Wilhelm had no doubt that he had something up his sleeve.

He cocked the crossbow as slowly as he could, making a big show of how difficult it was. He’d brought his lighter weapon to the trial — the one with just a wooden prod, not the heavy laminate he usually took to war with him. If the time came, he could cock it, place the quarrel, and fire almost as quickly as regular bow. He had several bolts with him, hidden in his shirt, but because everyone knew it took forever to prepare a crossbow to fire, nobody had thought to check him.

While he cocked the crossbow, Wilhelm looked around the for the trap. He spotted the other bowman, partially hidden in a window overtop of Jemmy; the other crossbow was aimed at Wilhelm and it covered him. So that was it — if he did not split the apple, then his execution would be swift. And if he tried to turn the bow on that bastard Austrian bailiff Gessler, he would be shot down immediately.

So Tell knew what he had to do. Shoot the other marksman, and then hope he could cock the bow quickly enough and shoot Gessler before his soldiers could react. Perhaps the people of Uri would come to his aid — nobody liked the Austrians ruling their Canton, and there was talk of rebellion. Continue Reading →