In this gallery:

Flannigan's Amplified Re-breathing Technology

Big-Ass Pipe

The Twit-Powered Hackney

Oversized Monkey Grinder

Flannigan's Amplified Re-breathing Technology (1871)

In the early 1870s, Flannigan sought to recreate the wild success of his Particulate Breathing Apparatus ("Party Brat") in the wilds of North America. Knowing that the genteel and slow smoke that resulted from a good puff on a Party Brat was less to the frontiersman's taste, Flannigan created a new kind of pipe. Instead of putting the combustible material within the bowl of the pipe, it was meant to be sprinkled liberally over the open flame of a candle held before the smoker. The subsequent rapid oxidization would result in a more powerful and immediate pleasure as the smoker sucked the particulate in through the tiny opening at the other end of the pipe. Unfortunately, most frontiersmen were unable to master the trick of breathing in the smoke, without inhaling actual flame and scorching their lungs. In the rough woods of Saskatchewan, this device became known as the FART, and the process was colloquially known as "farting the fire". (This phrase should not be confused with "firing the fart", which was what happened after juvenile woodsmen ignited the methane by-products caused by a meal of Uncle Rector's Lentil and Gunpowder Surprise.)

Big-Ass Pipe (1877)

Still searching for a new device that would recreate his success in the cannabis-smoking industry, Flannigan followed up the FART with his Big-Ass Pipe (BAP). Constructed of a solid iron bowl and several water-cooled chambers that led to the lips (Flannigan did not want any more lawsuits due to thermal injury), the Big-Ass Pipe was an immediate hit in the Exchange District of Winnipeg. Unfortunately, the mob-related difficulties he had with another of his inventions, the Follicle Restorer, prevented him from bringing the Big-Ass Pipe into full production. Interestingly, customers who had purchased both a Follicle Restorer and a BAP did not seem to mind the intense burning of the bird guano from their Follicle Restorers. Alas, he did not think to sell these devices as a package. When Flannigan reached London, Ontario, it was clear there would be no market for such a pleasurable device as the BAP, and as with so many of his inventions, abandoned it for new projects.

The Twit-Powered Hackney (1862)

Following a horrific outbreak in Tytism in 1861, Southeastern England was inundated with victims of the disease. London, in particular, was awash in twits. Sensing that this could be the right time for a device that he had been working on for several years, Flannigan introduced the Twit-Powered Hackney. Though not especially powerful, the new conveyance was quite popular with ladies from the more genteel neighbourhoods, as it was so easy for them to find a twit to harness to their vehicle.

Oversized Monkey Grinder (1855)

Working on the erroneous theory that making something bigger makes something better, Flannigan created the Oversized Monkey Grinder in the winter of 1855, hoping to cash in on organ grinder mania, which had swept through London in 1854. Unfortunately, Flannigan's timing was off with this invention, not to mention his scale. In the spring of 1855 the New Cherksbury Organ Grinder riot set off a backlash against the delightful instrument and their aromatic players; in the fall of 1855 the government passed the Monkey Grinder Act, which outlawed organ grinders and other itinerant musicians from playing on the streets. This was repealed in 1856, but the damage to Flannigan's market was already done, as most of London's organ grinders had already emigrated to New York.

--"Scholarship" by The Squire