November 2004
--Munich, Bavaria

An alert Chesleyan who travelled to Bavaria this fall to enjoy Oktoberfest, found the following clipping which once again, links the Speculative Songstress with the bipedal food movement.

Missing Russian Ballerinas "Found" at Oktoberfest

Munich, German (Routers) -- An entire troupe of Russian ballerinas, missing since they began touring Germany, has been eaten by tourists, revelers and Munich burghers at this year's Oktoberfest.

"We have reason to believe that the ballerinas were used to make bratwurst or white sausage for Oktoberfest," said Captain Otto Klenchderbuttundsheiße, head of the missing persons division of Germany's federal police force, the Bundeskriminalamt (BKA).

Police officers stumbled upon the discovery after a group of burghers complained about the bratwurst.

"It vas the verst wurst I've ever had. It looked nice, yah, but as soon as you bite into it, it vas tough, shtringy, and very dry," said Karl von Calibanhoff, who seemed nonplussed to discover he had consumed famous ballerina Orlenda Jumpovich and the rest of the Kedrovyi Royal Ballet company.

Investigating officers from the Munich Police called in the BKA as soon as they discovered that the wurst had been served on en point, and surrounded by a garnish of taffeta tutus.

"We tracked down the butcher shop that delivered the wurst and apprehended the proprietor, Helga Wartskopf, who had once studied under the choreographer of the ballet company involved," said Klenchderbuttundsheiße. "Her motive was revenge, though we expect she will try a plea of insanity."

Along with the grisly remains of 20 ballerinas, police discovered a German translation of an English novel called The Arvan Atavists, by Lady Harriet Bloomer-Schitz. Several recipes for "cooking babies" were listed in the back with the word "babies" crossed out and "ballerinas" scratched in.

"We have been unable to locate the author of this excrescence," Klenchderbuttundsheiße said, "but we are fairly certain we know where we can find the translator, Haupten Beerstein." (1)

Notes:

1) Chesleyan scholars know, of course, that Harriet Bloomer-Schitz was the pen name that Emily Chesley used for a series of penny dreadfuls she wrote for Grunt Imprints. Until this clipping was sent to the Emily Chesley Reading Circle, we were unaware that the German Chesleyan enthusiast, Haupten "Hepless" Beerstein (and charter member of the London (England) ECRC) had translated any of Chesley's work, let alone managed to get it published.

--"Scholarship" by The Squire