First of all, calm your hairless hominid ass down! It’s snow, not nuclear fallout.

If you had a foot of nuclear fallout then you might need to get worried — perhaps get your best Orangu-techs working on some kind of fallout suit that you can wear to ride out the ensuing mass extinction on your planet.

Instead, you will probably have to do some shoveling. Perhaps throw a little salt on your front steps.

It’s cold. And high! Call the Armed Forces for help!

Are you from Toronto?

Next time: I have the sneaking suspicion that my cat is part of an interstellar plot to prevent me from dating — do you know what I should do?

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