Piezoelectric Pants

Sebastian had an ample rump and an equally large supply of phobias.

He was afraid of spiders, enclosed spaces, open spaces, crowds, the color puce and more than all those (reasonable) fears, he was terrified that someone might touch his ass.

That was why he was so thrilled to hear about the shark suit. When he saw that they’d invented a neoprene suit that created an electric field while you swam to keep sharks away, he thought immediately, “hey, that might help keep unwanted mitts off my ample booty.”

So he contacted the inventor of the suit, and after some haggling, the inventor agreed to make Sebastian a prototype pair of pants based on the shark suit.

The bad news was that meant Sebastian’s new ass-grab protection pants would be made of neoprene. Not the most comfortable thing to wear out of water, but such was Sebastian’s phobia that he was willing to endure the discomfort.

They worked like a charm. As soon as he walked down the street in his neoprene and ceramic pants, sparks flying, nobody came within ass-grabbing distance.

Nobody ever came near him again.

Inspired by:
Shark suit