As discussed earlier, the archeological record clearly shows that unicorns evolved on the Indian subcontinent, and migrated from there. References to the unicorn are sprinkled throughout early Vedic writings, concentrated in the Iron Age texts known as the Brāhmaṇas, which are commentaries discussing the proper forms of sacrifice.
In short, they are a collection of recipes for the appropriate treatment and cooking of unicorns.
Here is one such recipe painstakingly translated by Sanskrit scholars at the Swedish Institute of Unicorn Studies (SIUS):
Blessedly Sturdy Lotus Soup
Ingredients:
- One unicorn
- Twelve lotus leaves
- Dew
- Two handfuls lingamberries
The unicorn wanders through the yoni grove of every maiden in the village for a period of one year, or until there are no maidens left. Afterwards, the unicorn is placed next to the sacrificial fire, and there it becomes one with Brahman. Take the rainbow-colored discharge from the unicorn’s horn and mix with dew collected during the season of tickles. Mix with tincture of lotus leaves, and slowly stir in two handfuls of lingamberries. (Also gathered during the season of tickles, but for best results, the last two weeks.)
Serves one flaccid king.
Note: that is not a typo. The recipe calls for lingamberries, not linganberries. This was a great disappointment to everyone at the SIUS.
Nobody is sure what this recipe is for, though clearly, it’s not healthy for the unicorn, which explains why they disappear from Vedic literature long before the beginning of the Mauryan Period, 321 BC.
This is pretty wonderful. I’ve been searching high and low for unicorn recipes.
This one is time-intensive, but worth it!