Well, technically speaking, right now I’m an evil alien advice columnist, but I do hope to land another overlord gig someday soon.

Funnily enough, I started out in politics. My own home planet, Neecknaw, once had a system of government similar to the quaint representative democracies of your Earth nations. So before I became an overlord, I was elected Prime Primate.

Now, winning an election is not an easy thing to do, but I managed through a combination of inspiring oratory, good organization, and the secretions of the Pfluugen Slug from Planet Muguulgar. (This colorless and odorless liquid is quite powerful, and renders imbibers of it very suggestible. Okay, it makes them you’re willing slaves, but only if you know how much to use and what to say afterwards.)

Oh, I can see what you’re thinking: how could he possible give that every voter? I didn’t have to. I only had to slip a little bit in to reporters’ drinks at the Press Club.

Next time: You always seem nattily dressed (for an intergalactic overlord who looks like a tiny chimp). Who does your tailoring and does he dress humans?

Alltop and humor-blogs.com should lay off the Pfluugen Slug secretions during the holidays.