When Charlie hired on to Doctor Machinica’s Traveling Hospital for Female Hysteria, he had no idea what he was getting himself into. He certainly didn’t know anything about The Device.
The Doctor was a respectable-looking fellow, if a bit short of stature and brawn (except for his unnaturally thick right forearm, which looked like it was twice the size of his left). He dressed in natty tweed suits, even during the hottest months of summer. And his narrow face always had an expression of curiosity on it, even if his eyes were obscured by thick glasses.
Charlie had left the farm, hoping to find excitement in the big city, but so far he’d only found poverty and pollution. So, when he heard the Doctor was hiring a workman for his practice, he was full of hope that it would be a great break for him.
“Basically, your job is to maintain The Device — don’t worry, I’ll show you everything you need to know — and the most important part of that will be to keep the damned thing powered while I’m administering the Cure to our patients,” Doctor Machinica told him on his first day.
The Device was steam-powered, so Charlie’s main concern was to ensure that it didn’t run out of coal while the Doctor did his work. Until their first appointment, he couldn’t quite figure out what the machine did, but it appeared to be some kind of steam-driven wand with a large bulbous end that made a loud buzzing noise and vibrated excessively.
The machine required constant coaling, so Charlie had to be in the room with the Doctor and the patient while the Cure was administered. But … the Cure for what?
On the day he started, their first patient was a charming and well-bred lady from the better part of town; unfortunately, Mrs. MacReady suffered from “female hysteria”. As the machine came up to full power, the Doctor administered what he called a “pelvic massages”, which produced what he later described to Charlie as “hysterical paroxysm”.
Charlie still blushed with the memory of what MacReady had said to Doctor Machinica during her “paroxysms”; he became even more agitated, while riding to their next appointment, when the Doctor told him: “I thank God every day for this machine, Charlie. I used to have to do that manually.”
Charlie didn’t say so, but he thought he might be willing to give it a try — that is, if The Device ever broke down.
Inspired by:
Female hysteria, pelvic massage and the “hysterical paroxysm”: Victorian medical vibrators [wiki]
was the good doctor gay or republican?
The second — not that there’s anything wrong with that. 🙂 m.
I fail to see how an aquarium air pump had any medicinal effects on those poor women.
Was it really humid or something?
“I thank God every day for this machine, Charlie. I used to have to do that manually.”
“except for his unnaturally thick right forearm, ”
Now I see the link.
It’s hard to imagine phalanxes of thick-forearmed doctors roaming the Victorian countryside plying their paroxysms, but they did.
So will this aforementioned device cure Rickey’s hysterical blindness? (which is by the way, the funniest of all afflictions a person can be struck with).