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Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner

Writing: driving you slowly mad

By on October 24, 2011 in Hinky History

This is an image of The Isolator, purportedly invented by Hugo Gernsback the science fiction pioneer, and clearly, loon.

I haven’t dug into this, so it’s possible this is a hoax, but at the source website, this madness is taken at face value:

The “Isolator” is designed to help focus the mind when reading or writing, not only by by eliminating all outside noise, but also by allowing just one line of text to be seen at a time through a horizontal slit. via A Great Disorder

As the author at A Great Disorder points out, this “solution” for the problem of distractions perhaps takes the solution a little too far. Only allowing the author to see through one tiny slit seems especially mental. Particularly for those of us who, in the 21st century, have atrophied memories, and are incapable of keeping the previous line in our head. How can we maintain paragraph continuity, let alone the continuity of an entire novel?

I imagine The Isolator is the perfect piece of equipment if you want to write some kind of dadaist masterpiece.

Or, if you suffer from even minor claustrophobia, a complete breakdown.

On the other hand, the air supply arrangement does offer certain possibilities…

Alltop has one of these in its bedroom.

Where Have All the Readers Gone?

By on October 21, 2011 in But is it art?, Parody & Satire

The Way of the DodoI spend a lot of time thinking about the death of print, the digital revolution and the massive changes we’re in the midst of, but sometimes it pays to remember that media shifts have happened before. So, I’ve taken a page out of Mad Kane’s book, and tried my hand at a song parody. You should know that I also tried to record this, but I have decided to spare you my ham-fisted attempts to sound like the Kingston Trio. Probably for the best. I already feel badly about mauling Pete Seeger’s song.

Where Have All the Readers Gone

(Sung to the tune of Where Have All the Flowers Gone, with apologies to Pete Seeger)

Where have all the readers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the readers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the readers gone?
Radio took them every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where did all the radio go?
Long time passing
Where did all the radio go?
Long time ago
Where did all the radio go?
All are watching the TV show
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all TV shows gone?
Long time passing
Where have all TV shows gone?
Long time ago
Where have all TV shows gone?
Now reality every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the viewers gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the viewers gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the viewers gone?
Gone to weblogs every one
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

Where have all the weblogs gone?
Long time passing
Where have all the weblogs gone?
Long time ago
Where have all the weblogs gone?
Gone to Facebook every one.
When will we ever learn?
When will we ever learn?

Alltop can harmonize with itself! Photo thanks to net_efekt Check out Mad Kane’s page for more song parodies. Originally published October 2009.

How to open a door (and be awesome)

By on October 11, 2011 in But is it art?, Monkeys!

This is a Finnish instructional video from 1979. Click on the red CC if you want the subtitles.

Oh my god, don’t leaving me hanging like that rocking 70s mustache man! How the hell do I look awesome if the door opens towards me?

Now, is it me, or is the rocking 70s mustache man just filled with rage? Did you notice how he made that fist after he’s told us not to be a bad door opener? You can see the creeping insanity in his eyes there. He’s ENRAGED by bad door openers. In fact, I heard he was ordered to do this instructional video by the Finnish courts for beating an old man senseless with his own cane after he was unable to slide effortlessly through the portal.

I would like to see a follow up series of videos explaining how to obsessively wash your hands after you touch a door handle or even worse, a knob. (Shudder.)

Alltop is enraged by sloppy window cracking.