Dog vocalizations interpreted.
Condition Tail Wag
Don’t be fooled by the cuteness of this puppy — it might mean trouble. I’ll growl at it just to let it know that I’m watching.
Condition Woof
Holy crap! A husky! My arch-nemesis, and about as close to a wolf as a dog gets. If it comes closer, I’m really going to bark like I mean it!
Code Burglar
Someone’s at the door, and I will now proceed to bark with enough intensity to convince the pants-wetting UPS guy that I WILL tear his throat out.
Sky Monsters!
Jesus wept, it’s a frickin’ sky monster. It’s huge, it’s round, and it reeks of the stench of hell. (And the sound…) I’ll bark at it like I can kill it, but I’m pretty sure it could take me. I’ll try not to let my uncertainty creep into my enraged and terrified vocalizations. Was that a yip? Yes, sorry. Sometimes my fear of these things get in the way of me doing my job!
The Night of Evil (Again)
It seems like at least twice a year Satan lights up the sky with his evil. I will yelp a bit to let you know we should get inside, but there’s not much I can do against the powers of darkness.
Thundering Whimpers!
Even my canine super-bark is powerless, when the Gods themselves are trying to kill us all. Perhaps shaking and whimpering will help appease them.
It turns out that the long-distance “Twilight Bark” scene from 101 Dalmatians isn’t so fictional. (You know, the scene when the parents of the puppy-napped pooches, Pongo and Perdita, let all the other dogs in England know their young have been kidnapped by the chain-smoking, highly motivated and mildly deranged Cruella de Vil.)