The Skwib: Thank you Dr. Tundra for agreeing to chat with us about your controversial new sect of Pastafarianism. Could you explain to our readers, in case they don’t already know, what the differences between your group and other Pastafarians are?
Dr. Tundra: You’re welcome. Well, as you know, Pastafarianism is about worshiping the great Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), in all its noddly goodness. In most respects we follow the teachings of its Prophet, Bobby Henderson, but in one important aspect, we differ. We believe it is Vikings, not pirates, that cause the multitude of ills that affect us: global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters.
So, naturally, instead of wearing full pirate regalia, we like to trick ourselves out in Viking gear.
The Skwib: Yes, I was going to say that is a very impressive horned helmet you are wearing. My understanding is that it’s a myth that Vikings wore them, though
Dr. Tundra: It’s true — the historical Vikings rarely wore them, and we would never wear them if we were going into battle. But the FSM said we should make it easy to see we were the true religion.
The Skwib: Are there any other differences between you and the pirate-loving Pastafarians?
Dr. Tundra: Oh, we love pirates too, but they are not the cause of global warming. Much of our new creed is still being revealed to me by the Great Pasta. But we believe it is more than natural disasters that are caused by the lack of Vikings. The increased number of orphaned socks, for example.
Now, one of the first missions of the First Church of the Noodly Norsemen is to increase our numbers.
The Skwib: Really, the Noodly Norsemen?
Dr. Tundra: We’re still working on the name for our Church. What matters is that we follow the Prophet’s teachings.
The Skwib: So what drew you to Pastafarianism in the first place?
Dr. Tundra: Initially I was drawn to the flimsy moral standards, but I also like the Friday religious holiday.
The Skwib: So you got into it for crass personal reasons? We note that you have a rather suspect career. Is it true that you have lost your license to practice medicine?
Dr. Tundra: Ah, ah, I’m having a vision …
The Skwib: And is it also true that you have a, shall we say, somewhat avant garde approach to the use of pharmaceuticals?
Dr. Tundra: The Great Pasta is speaking to me … O’ ramen pasta yum! O’ ramen pasta yum!
London, Ontario (Ruetars) — The first schism within the Pastafarian religion has appeared in the sleepy Canadian city of London, Ontario, and it is led by the charismatic preacher Dr. Maximilian Tundra.