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Irony Alert! Alcohol protects your brain from head injuries

By on September 22, 2009 in Odd Science

Professor Quippy: Irony Alert!In the annals of unintended consequences, few are as baffling as this new finding that suggests alcohol helps protect the brain from head injuries.

A study of 38,000 people with noggin’ trauma discovered that for every 100 people who died when sober, only 88 died when they had a little liquor in their limbic system.

According to Lead researcher Ali Salim of the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles: “We need a better understanding of the exact mechanism, the appropriate dose and specific timing of treatment before we can embark on clinical trials.”

Woo! Sign me up! Free booze.

Oh wait, I’ll probably have to get whacked on the head too, won’t I?

Ah, it’s just another Saturday night down at the pub.

Lest we get too excited about all this, you should know Salim also warns us that alcohol actually causes half of all head injuries. We shall call this the Irony Factor.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com enjoy a little skull play with their suds. You can read the less goofy coverage at the New Scientist.

Professor Quippy: More words not to use to describe Ebola

By on January 22, 2008 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyAccording to the BBC, a researcher at the University of Wisconsin has created a “safe” and “harmless” version of the deadly Ebola virus.

Yoshihiro Kawaoka believes he has created just such a version of the virus, by taking out a gene that normally allows it to replicate in cells. The hope is that having a a less apocalyptically lethal (i.e. “safe”) version of the virus will allow labs with lower biosecurity levels work on the disease.

According to the BBC: “Not everyone in Ebola research is convinced.” Well thank the great simian in the sky for that! A well-regarded researcher in the field says she would not be comfortable using it until it was thoroughly tested on live monkeys at high doses.

May I also humbly suggest that even if it passes muster, it not be called “safe”, “harmless”, “cuddly” or “cute.”

You may have other suggestions in the comments. Also, I’m not sure if these dudes are “harmless” either. Full BBC story here.

Professor Quippy: Life-Extending New Year’s Resolutions

By on January 8, 2008 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyThe good news: Research at Cambridge University shows that those New Year’s resolutions to drink less, eat better, exercise more and stop smoking could add up to 14 years to your life.

According to the New Scientist:

The study found that for any given age, sex, social class, and level of obesity – all things that affect death rates – a person who did none of those things had the same chance of dying as a person 14 years older who did all those things. In other words, people doing all four healthy things effectively added 14 years to their lives.

The bad news: you actually have to drink less, eat better, exercise more and stop smoking, not just resolve to do so.

Worser news: The percentage of New Year’s resolutions that are kept: 3.

Abysmal news: humor-blogs.com

New Scientist story here: New Year’s Resolutions Could Add Years to Your Life

Professor Quippy: Miserable harridans & feculent wankers should stay together to save planet

By on December 4, 2007 in Odd Science, Parody & Satire

Professor QuippyHow much do you love the environment? Enough to continue putting up with his foot odor or her icky long hairs in the drain?

According to a Michigan State University study, divorce is bad for the planet:

“Divorced households are smaller than married households, but consume more land, water, and energy per person than married households,” says Jianguo Liu of Michigan State University in East Lansing, US, who carried out the 12-country analysis with colleague Eunice Yu.

So, stay together! Even though you are driving one another slowly insane in a hellish, churning miasma of recrimination, loathing and regret, stay together! Unless, of course, you have the next mister or missus lined up, because if you’re back in a couple, there is no extra environmental impact. But your spouse has to be paired up too — have you seen to that?

More on this insanity here, at The New Scientist. On the topic of feculent wankers, you may be interested in the goings on at humor-blogs.com.