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Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#35)

By on July 21, 2010 in Forty-seven signs

From the Book of Cephalopods

Suckers on octopus armYeah, I speak to you about the evil times to come, and the truth shall be written in the ink of the cephalopods, and many shall wail and weep at its truth.

Lo! In this time there shall be a Contest of the Foot, throughout the lands both Holy and Heathen, and they shall worship of the Ball of the Foot. And in their wickedness, there shall be wagering, and taking of the odds, and many shekels will pass back over the hands of the Usurers, who worship the an unholy book.

And verily, it shall come to pass that in the Barbarian lands of Germania, there shall be a cephalopod of Great Power. And he shall be an mollusk of Eight Arms, and the Devil shall give it Knowledge of the Contest of the Foot, and shall predict, with great Divination. And his name shall be Paul.

Truly, this Octopus named Paul shall Divine the Contest of Foot — and it shall be a Sign! And many will Worship of the Octopus named Paul. And they shall be wicked. And others, in their wantonness, shall wish to consume of its flesh, and it will be bad.

But they all will be Suckers.

Alltop bet against wantonness and paid the price. Newsy proof: Wikipedia entry for Paul the Octopus. Suckers by Pashazade.

Forty-seven signs of the Apocalypse (#42)

By on July 7, 2010 in Forty-seven signs

From the Book of Renovations:

Computer in a beaverAnd in End Times there shall be many False Prophets, and they shall be Legion, and they shall learn of a magical land called Internet.

One of these False Prophets will provide the people with Devices that allow them unfettered access to the land called Internet.

And others will not be pleased by the shape of these Doodads, and devise all methods of making them more Pleasing To The Eye. They shall put these Thingamabobs into the Skin of Animals.

They will dance and sing around the Blue Light of their Unholy Instruments, and regale each other with tales of Beaver they have Split and Stuffed with Parts of their Devices. And rodents will become unto them as chieftains, and there will be great confusion.

Alltop loves a little split beaver. Originally published May 2007.