Tag Archives | signs of the apocalypse

Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#33)

By Mark A. Rayner on October 25, 2010 in Forty-seven signs

Gilping Family Whiskey, made from diabetics' urine

From the Book of Libations

Truly, there shall be Signs of the Apocalypse. And one of the many signs could maketh the strongest man throw upeth of his dinner, in his mouth just a little bit.

And in the Land of the Twit, there shall be an alchemist of Great Vision, and his Vision shall be one of pure and delicious Evil. Lo, for truly, only in the Land of the Twit would they make strong spirits out of the urine of their elders.

Verily, they shall taketh of the urine, expelled by the elderly who cannot digest of the sugar. And this sweet, sweet waste shall become a Whiskey of Abomination.

And there shall be drinking of this pisskey, and weeping, and the Passing of the Quaich of Shame.

Alltop doesn’t see anything wrong with this. Newsy proof via Wired: Whisky made from diabetics’ urine. Photo by James Gilpin. More about the project here..

Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#34)

By Mark A. Rayner on July 29, 2010 in Forty-seven signs, Parody & Satire

From the Book of Jerry

postmark And yea, it shall be a time of great lamentation and strangeness.

The fish of the seas shall drink of the bones of the past, and the birds of the sky shall be coated in its blackness, and the race of Adam shall be helpless before its wrath.

But in this era of evil a man shall send another man a Parcel. And it shall contain a book of fiction, and filled with lies and tales of great wantonness and evil. And they shall both make use of the Mail. And the Parcel will arrive many days before the Pharisees of the Postal Service said it would arrive.

And they will tremble, and fear, for they shall see it as A Sign of the End.

Alltop always uses the Pharisees of The Brown. Newsy proof: I can attest to this one. Quite a few review copies of Marvellous Hairy have arrived well before what the US and Canadian postal services have promised! (And of course, the first paragraph is clearly about the Gulf oil spill.) Postmark photo by stvcr.

Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#35)

By Mark A. Rayner on July 21, 2010 in Forty-seven signs

From the Book of Cephalopods

Yeah, I speak to you about the evil times to come, and the truth shall be written in the ink of the cephalopods, and many shall wail and weep at its truth.

Lo! In this time there shall be a Contest of the Foot, throughout the lands both Holy and Heathen, and they shall worship of the Ball of the Foot. And in their wickedness, there shall be wagering, and taking of the odds, and many shekels will pass back over the hands of the Usurers, who worship the an unholy book.

And verily, it shall come to pass that in the Barbarian lands of Germania, there shall be a cephalopod of Great Power. And he shall be an mollusk of Eight Arms, and the Devil shall give it Knowledge of the Contest of the Foot, and shall predict, with great Divination. And his name shall be Paul.

Truly, this Octopus named Paul shall Divine the Contest of Foot — and it shall be a Sign! And many will Worship of the Octopus named Paul. And they shall be wicked. And others, in their wantonness, shall wish to consume of its flesh, and it will be bad.

But they all will be Suckers.

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