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Beijing Olympic Mascots: Tibetan Dissident Bi-athalon

By on November 16, 2005 in Parody & Satire

Mascots demonstrate the Tibetan Dissident Bi-athalonThe Skwib was surprised to discover how original and forthright the new Olympic mascots are. For example, the one shown is for a demonstration sport, which popular within the “justice” system of the People’s Republic of China.

It’s called Tibetan Dissident Bi-athalon — a running and shooting event. As you know, the winter Olympics has its own biathalon event, which features cross-country skiing and shooting. The difficulty in that event is shooting while you’re breathing hard from the exertions of the skiing. In this event, the running and shooting are done by different parts of the team.

This is part of a series that The Skwib plans to feature for the next little while, getting you all used to the new mascots. In this week’s edition, we can see Yingying the Tibetan Antelope running for his life (running) from his team-mate, Jingjing the Prison Guard. (If you look really carefully, you can see that Jingjing has already winged Yingying.)

Exciting stuff! Next event: Organ Relay.

More demonstration sports with the Beijing Olympic Mascots:
Tibetan Dissident Biathlon | Organ Relay | Hu Flung Falongong | Forced Sterilization Footy | Press Clubbing | 50-Meter Land Requisition Event

The next storyblogging carnival is here

By on November 15, 2005 in General Skwib

Hey folks, this is an invitation to submit your storytelling post for the next carnival, which will be posted here at The Skwib on Monday November 21. (Actually, it might get put up a little earlier on Sunday evening.)

As always, send the usual information: blog title, blog url, story title, story url, and description; we also want a word count, a suggested rating, and author name or pseudonym. Please make sure you include at least a one-line description of the story. The deadline is still Saturday night, but if you’re sending a brief story (say 700 words or less) I will accept it on Sunday up to the point I’m ready to post the carnival that night. (Or first thing Monday.)

My only hard and fast stipulation on hosting this puppy is that you include that blurb about your story. Here’s a neat way to think about this blurb — treat it like a logline. Those are the one-sentence hooks that screenwriters use to describe the script.

I’ll accept the first twenty stories I get sent to me, and please send your submission to skwib(at)markarayner.com; thanks in advance!

Tuesday Carnivals

By on November 15, 2005 in General Skwib

The Carnival of Liberty (Edition XX) is up at Eric’s Grumbles from the Grave. I continue to find lots of interesting things to read at this carnival, even though much of it skews to the right of what I’d personally believe. As an example, read the essay that Eric wrote for the first edition.

You’ll find some humor at today’s Bonfire of the Vanities, where bloggers set themselves up for lampooning, which demosthenes does admirably.

And I know I linked to it yesterday too, but don’t forget about that damned Carnival of the Godless. Atheism. Mmmm.

Ask General Kang: Would you ever consider running for public office?

By on November 15, 2005 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangYour politicians disgust me.

They pander to the lowest common denominator. They lie. They’re corrupt. They are vile, low creatures, worse than a Tregladian Bladder Beast, or even that fuzzy purple stuff you see growing all over dead things on planet Numingar — you know, the crud that smells like ammonia and makes whiny, wheezy noises whenever you try to scrape it off rotting flesh.

Would you want something like that kissing your baby?

If elected I promise to bring integrity (and the pleasing odor of primate musk) back to politics. When I say I’m going to make all of the hominids without hair on their backs second-class citizens, by Vengor’s One Weepy Ocular Appendage, I’ll make them second-class citizens! When I pass a law forcing you to kiss my hairy simian ass or face an afternoon in the Bee Gee tank, you’d better start puckering up!

So, yes. (But only because I don’t have a proper intergalactic army of mutant monkeys to make me your tyrant.)

Next time: I’ve discovered that if I rub my stocking feet against a carpet, I can give people a small electrical shock. Is there any way I can magnify the effect?

Thag not like raking leaves!

By on November 14, 2005 in Odd Science, Skwibby fiction, Thag

Thag's middle fingerOf all the problems with the Fall, the one Thag found most annoying was Onga’s mania for keeping the cave clear of fallen leaves.

Some years they would all come down in a rush, as though the trees were dropping their furs before “making unkies”. Other years, they would trickle off the trees, letting one or two drops a day, the way Old Man Glunk made water. This year was a Glunk year.

And when wind blew from the south-east, bringing the occasional spat of rain and slightly warmer temperatures, the leaves would blow in the cave. While not out hunting, most of the men-folk had few chores, and one of them was clearing leaves.

They made a game of it, splitting the hunting party into two groups — one who were designated “gatherers” and one who were “hunters”. The gatherers were meant to collect as many leaves in their hands as they could, and take them outside to a designated spot where they would not blow back into the cave. The hunters were allowed to prevent them from doing so, but they could only use one hand — their left — to grab them.

This made for good sport, as most of the hunters were strongly right-handed (as were most in the Thunka Grunka Clan). In fact, left-handedness was seen as a gift from the Beyond; most shaman were lefties, as was Weasel-Scratch-Face-Brother, who held up that particular limb and bade them stop.

“The women are unable to accomplish their daily work with you tearing around like this,” he explained to Thag.

“We try keep fit for next hunt,” Thag explained. “And we get leaves out.” Continue Reading →