Navigation

Avast Ye Bilge Rats!

By on September 18, 2005 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

arrrr - talk like a pirate (image of pirate)Don’t forget that tomorrow (Sep. 19) is International Talk Like a Pirate Day (TLAPD). Now, lest you become confused, this is about talking like the Hollywood interpretation of a pirate, not a modern-day pirate. So, you are entirely within your rights to says something like, “ahoy ye’ scurvy sea dog!” instead of hello, when you greet the postal worker tomorrow. (Warning: he may be confused.)

Modern day pirates, of course, have entirely different vocabulary. They say things like, “Hey Bill, how much financial leverage did we get from the arbitrage of that security yesterday?” and “Let’s increase the valuation by accessing asymmetric information.”

If you’d like to talk like a Hollywood pirate, you can check out the official website or if you want to talk like a real pirate, you may want to start with this JP Morgan Chase Glossary.

PQ candidates to leadership committee: booze not enough

By on September 17, 2005 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

photo of stiletto high heelsMONTREAL (The Skwib) — In a surprise move, the candidates for the leadership of the Parti Quebecois have rejected official party rules for the campaign, requiring them to be drunk.

“It is not enough that we are floor-lickingly drunk,” front runner André Boisclair said at a news conference yesterday.

“I have discussed it with the other candidates,” Boisclair said, “and we all agree that it would be best if we were required to take psycho reactive drugs as well. And even better if we could snort them off the tight abs of –”

“What he means to say,” Gilbert Paquette interrupted, “is that we think that the Parti would be best served if we were all as impaired as possible, short of actual brain death.”

“No,” Boisclair replied, “I did not mean that. I wanted to say that if, perhaps, I decided to snort something to further elevate our debate, I should be able to do it off the six-pack of Henri over there, just for instance.”

The other candidates were not available for comment at the time of publication, as most were under the sweet stilettos of PQ fundraiser, “Mistress” Sophia and her Legion of Pain.

PQ members will vote on the successor of current leader Bernard Landry in mid-November.

“Inspired” by:
PQ front-runner deflects questions about cocaine use | Boot pic by Lemooz

PQ decides on alcoholic campaign strategy

By on September 16, 2005 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

John A. MacDonald, pictured with scotch bottleMONTREAL (The Skwib) — Things just keep getting stranger in the leadership race for the Parti Quebecois. Party officials have announced that for the remainder of the contest, candidates must be floor-lickingly drunk.

“We are hoping to elevate the tone of the campaign with these new rules,” Jacques Purlain, who chairs the leadership committee, told The Skwib in a boozy telephone conversation late last night.

“So far, it has not been the most dignified affair, what with the Gilbert Paquette’s antics on Tuesday and Hugues Cormier’s faux pas.”

Paquette announced his candidacy in a press conference outside a Montreal courtroom, following his own appearance on a drunk-driving charge. Cormier withdrew from the race after it was discovered he had signed up his own psychiatric patients as party members in order to get 1,000 names on his candidacy papers.

When asked about the precise level of inebriation candidates must exhibit, Purlain said, “yes, floor-lickingly drunk. They have to be really wasted. It’s the only way to recover our dignity. I may deplore Paquette’s decision to (allegedly) drive while drunk, but I do agree with him that Quebec must have the powers of a more creative and fairer society. Alcohol is a great … great equalizer,” he hiccupped.

“Besides,” Purlain added, “think about John A. McDonald. He was a drunk, and he was a great nation-builder!”

Inspired by:
PQ Leadership Race All Over the Place

Carnival of Satire

By on September 15, 2005 in General Skwib

The Carnival of Satire is a celebration of the satirical form, which is quite obviously alive and well in the world of blogging. Submit your best piece of satire each week to The Skwib. (A squib is a piece of short satirical writing, so that’s where the name comes from, in case you’re wondering.) We only accept satire for this carnival. Parody counts, but plain-jane sarcasm and irony do not.

Once a month, we’ll name the best satirical post, culled from your Swiftian masterpieces, and the blogger will win a copy of The Amadeus Net. (Yes, Mark A. Rayner’s novel is satire too.)

Submit:

  • Article URL (permalink)
  • Trackback
  • Your Name (or pen name)
  • Article title
  • Your email
  • Blog Name
  • Blo g URL
  • Category (optional)

Or you can use the handy form from Ferdy at Conservative Cat.

The deadline for submissions is: Wednesday, 4 pm. (That’s firm. If you miss by a bit, we’ll include your post in the next week’s carnival.

The first Carnival deadline is: September 21, 2005 (4 pm)

Email to: skwib(at)markarayner.com

FAQ

Is the Carnival of Satire some kind of postmodern commentary about the fact that there are already too many carnivals?

Sure, why not.

How, exactly, do you define satire?

Please have a quick read of Mark’s essay, Satire’s Ugly Sisters, to get a better idea of what we think satire is all about.

Yes Virginia, even fascistic oligarchs need to pee

By on September 15, 2005 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

Image of W writing note to Condi -- I need to peeYou may have noticed this photo circulating today. This may come as an incredible shock, but yes, even George (W.) Bush needs to pee.

And yes, he may even need to indicate, in a somewhat secretive way, to his Secretary of State, that he may have to absent himself from buggering the UN for a while, so that he can indulge this bodily function.

Is it funny? Only in the most obvious way.

It would be much funnier if the note said: “I think we may need to eliminate our foreign policy — and some urine.”