Letters of Annoyance

A number of our members recently heard Shelagh Rogers, the host of CBC Radio's This Morning, complain that people think she is "too nice."

We heartily approve of her concern: it is extremely dangerous for our Canadian "celebrities" to be universally loved and admired. This leads to an unhealthy self-respect and national pride. As a service to the public, and to Ms. Rogers (whom we believe is as every bit as nice as she seems) we suggest she bump up her "bitch" quotient in the following ways:

• kick off the broadcast by congratulating Erika Ritter on another great installment of "Ontario Boring"
• browbeat underlings while openly sucking up to CBC brass
• laugh uproariously at inappropriate moments
• tell everyone how nice she is, a lot
• insist that Jim Curran nap under her desk between shifts
• talk about the musical genius of the This Morning sting
• start wearing her own collection of Michael Enright-inspired bow ties
• if an intern sits in her chair at the story meeting, don't shout: just have the upstart quietly removed from the building
• spread a rumour about Avril Benoît's "troubles" without being specific.

We hope these suggestions are taken with the seriousness in which they are given.

Yours sincerely,

Mark A. Rayner, Esq.,
On behalf of the Emily Chesley Reading Circle
emilychesley.com