Hey, all you loose-bowelled, yellow-bellied, ball-less, cowardly traders, currently unleashing the grizzly thrower on the market: RELAX!

Chill out! You’re making it worse.

According to the Globe and Mail the markets want to liquidate everything. You know what happens if everything is liquid? You drown. (Unless you can walk on water, in which case, you’ll be fine.) So traders, gird yourself, take a chill pill and stop running around, screaming at the top of your lungs like pack of second-graders who were playing dodge ball in a hermetically sealed gymnasium until a malevolent zookeeper dropped a malnourished Bengal tiger with tinnitus amongst you.

The brilliant grizzly-thrower is courtesy the talents of AZRainman, whose blog you should really check out.

humor-blogs.com and alltop may also cause bowel-loosening.