Archive | September, 2011

Stiff Upper, and So Forth

I have London on the line, sir.“I have London on the line, sir.”

“What do they want?”

“They’re asking about the penguins.”

“The penguins?”

“Yes, remember, penguins is the codeword . . .”

“For what?!”

“You know, sir, the uh, devices . . . the prophylactics. . .”

“The prophylactics?! What the hell is that supposed to be?”

“Oh, sir, please. The rubbers. The con-domes…”

“Ah, yes. Well, tell them we’ve got that situation under control. And Jenkins?”

“Yes sir?”

“I’m sorry I snapped. It’s just that I’m fused to this desk, and . . . well, you know . . . It puts one off one’s game.”

“Very good sir.”

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Alltop is fused to its computers. Thanks to Midnight-digital for the brilliant pic. Originally published, April, 2009.

The Smears of a Clown

BibbiThey were never going to give him a Nobel Prize for Buffoonery.

The Pulizer committee had told him in no uncertain terms that there wasn’t a category for astonishingly narrow, rakishly worn top hats.

And he’d been shut out of the Oscars for years, even though the critics had not condemned his broad portrayal of Adams, Taylor, and Taft in his “Flatulent Presidents” series of movies.

Still, at the end of the day, Bibbi the Intestinal Distress Clown was happy with his Genie Award.

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Alltop is also interested in winning awards. *no actual awards were won. Originally published April, 2009.