Tag Archives | canada

Nine Reasons Why Marvellous Hairy Is An Essential Canadian Novel

canada reads bannerAs you may know, the fine folk at CBC have foolishly opened the doors to an avalanche of self-promotion by allowing people to nominate their own choice of book for the competition. On the Canada Reads website, they state that this year, Canada Reads is looking for the essential Canadian novels of the decade.

It would be wonderful if you, dear reader, could help get Marvellous Hairy on the long list (’cause we need to be realistic about this, and that in itself would be a coup). So that you can feel confident in helping achieve this, here are the reasons why Marvellous Hairy is an essential Canadian novel:

  1. after finishing Marvellous Hairy, most readers find it impossible not to end each sentence with the phrase, “beauty, eh?” (This includes non-Canadian readers, and they are warned of this issue in the Preface, Disclaimers and Warning of Side Effects which precedes chapter one.)
  2. what is more Canadian than hockey? A sense of humour. As the Midwest Book Review recently stated, MH “is a top pick for any humorous fiction collection, highly recommended.”
  3. (looking for approval from our American friends is also a very Canadian attribute.)
  4. published by Canadian indie presses, written by a Canadian indie writer (and silly hat wearer) and cover design by the only Canadian fictional character to lose his medical license for peyote-milkshake drinking.
  5. the first edition was printed on snow.
  6. the second edition is “hand” crafted by a cadre of literate beavers.
  7. each copy sold contributes to Canada’s GDP.
  8. Canadians who read the novel are guaranteed to develop prodigious mental powers, such as telepathy, telekinesis, and the ability to form orderly queues.
  9. in the novel a surrealistic novelist is turned into a monkey by an unscrupulous biotech giant, and saved by a group of friends fascinated with Freudian mythology. This classic Canadian tale was first popularized by Gordon Lightfoot in his epic song, Canadian Railroad Trilogy.

Now, please go to the CBC website and fill out the recommendation form. It is your patriotic duty. Or, if you’re not Canadian, I promise to send you the instructions on how to stop saying, “beauty, eh?”

More about Marvellous Hairy here, including links to reviews, the podcast, and an excerpt.

The CTV Olympic news cycle

CTV Olympic logoFrom my witty and insightful Chesleyan colleague, Martin Redfern:

  1. Exaggerate Canadian chances of a medal. Show profile.
  2. Present entire competition as the story of #1.
  3. Don’t forget to mention all the injuries and hardships overcome: broken legs, cranial trauma, corns, nymphomaniac sister…
  4. Pretend to be surprised and disappointed by outcome when athlete does not win gold.
  5. Interview Canadian athlete and ask, in essence, “How does it feel to have disappointed your entire country, loser?”
  6. Casually mention any Canadian connection — no matter how tenuous — to the athlete who did win gold.
  7. Go to 1.
Alltop also has high expectations.

New poll shows Canadian voters not apathetic, but in existential crisis

graphic showing poll results TORONTO (The Skwib) — They may wear toques instead of berets and scarf down high-octane Tim Horton’s coffee instead of smoking Turkish cigarettes, but a new poll shows 79 percent of Canadians are in as serious an existential crisis as most French novelists about to write a bleak philosophical roman ennui.

“A bit of uncertainty is healthy, but a crippling lack of meaning and purpose can really screw up your political system,” says Martin Angst, Director of the Void Institute for Philosophical Research.

According to the survey, a whopping 72 percent of Canadians who are undecided or who have said they will not vote in the next federal election have said they “don’t see the point”. A further six percent say the “meaningless” of the vote drives them to despair. One percent say they are heavy industrial magnets. The latter group are likely not existentialists, but absurdists.

“It is clear from these poll results that Canadians must accept that existence is prior to essence,” says Angst. “In other words, if they want meaningful choices they will have to make the choices themselves.”

And if Canadians don’t like the candidates available on the ballot?

Angst just shrugs.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are both filled with a sense of despair.

WTF? Harper ditches Summit on Climate Change!

So let’s be clear about this. A hundred world leaders gather at the UN to discuss climate change, and our PM decides to meet with the mayor of New York instead?

Lest you have any trouble deciphering the hidden message, Harper is saying: “I don’t give a shit about this so-called climate change thing.” He’s not even going through the motions.

And yes, the magnetic Environment Minister Jim Prentice attended all day, and Harper went to the dinner, but that’s kind of like sending Forrest Gump to take notes at the Mensa meeting, and then coming for the post-chess whiskey tasting. It might be more fun, but it certainly isn’t taking the endeavour very seriously.

(Obviously, I have no idea what happens at Mensa meetings, though I’m sure they’re more interesting than climate change conferences held at the UN. Even so: Shame, Stephen Harper. Shame!)

At least one journalist took notice:

YouTube Preview Image

If the embedded video craps out worse than Harper, you can find the story here: Bob Fife calls out Stephen Harper for not showing up to UN climate change meetings. Also, you might want to check out this page, which has another report by Fife linked under the video screen.

A special thanks to Scott for alerting me to this one.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com have no idea where Canada is.