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The Cybernetic Thought Projection Hat

By on October 7, 2011 in Parody & Satire, singularity

from the 2037 Hammacher Schlemmer Glaven catalog

The Cybernetic Thought Projection HatThis hat recalls the iconic headgear worn by the Cognition Brigade during the Second Robotic War. First developed for long distance thought projection, hats of this design were worn by countless Though Soldiers during the war, preferred for its ability to combat the medulla-inhibiting freeze rays of the Robotic Army of Dread.

True to the originals, its buttery-soft, plasskin dendrite injectors are durable yet supple, and its genuine high-impact titanium exterior and classic sound-sealing ear covers provide comfort and the ability to mute the screams of the Thought Soldiers dying around you, or more likely, inane chatter in the office.

This hat will allow you to send your thoughts up to one parsec away, assuming the person you’re sending your thoughts to is also wearing a similar hat. It automatically shuts off when removed from the head, or when the head is removed from the neck. Sizes S, M, L and XL.

Have The MonkeySphere beamed into your head: it’s a monthly mind-filling microserving of absurd humor. When it reaches 500 subscribers, I’m giving away a Kindle. ($139 Amazon gift card, if you already got the ereader). More chances to win if you buy one of my books. Full contest details here.

Alltop likes earflaps.

Pantomime Jaw-Warbler

By on June 21, 2010 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

Albert Ploof was an early pioneer in the field of haberdaeronics, and celebrated throughout Europe, despite the fact that his mother was Jewish and his father was a mime. He entertained throughout the courts of Europe, telling of plans to conquer one of the great mysteries of time — can man fly using only a hat?

After the success of the Wright Brothers in 1903, he was commanded by the Belgian king, Leopold II, to find a way for a man to fly, using only the power of science.

“May I also include a hat?” Ploof asked his king.

“Of course. I thought the hat went without saying. The hat’s fucking OBVIOUS!”

“Excellent, sire.”

This photograph was taken shortly before his inaugural flight — to get better lift, Ploof opted to launch from the highest point in Belgium, the Signal de Botrange. At 718 meters altitude, Ploof believed he would have enough acceleration to fly. Unfortunately, the tower was only six meters high, so all he did was break his legs.

Alltop is into flying NUN hats. On Flickr: Victor Zobulovich , the inventor of the flying hat. Originally uploaded by yves.lecoq