Tag Archives | napoleon surrenders

The Lost PowerPoint Slides: A Short Man Invents a Complex (and Conquers Europe)

The Lost PowerPoint SlidesThe Battle of Waterloo

Napoleon Bonaparte is an iconic character, not only because he was short, wore a silly hat, and had enough pirate brothers to conquer most of Europe, but because he is the only person in history to meet his Waterloo actually at Waterloo. (The rest of us tend to meet it in boardrooms, law courts, amateur beard-growing competitions, and if you’re English, in Surrey.) Had Napoleon won the Battle of Waterloo, civilization would be quite different. For starters, there wouldn’t be 2,050,000 results on Google for the term “French surrender” (there would only be 2,049,999.) Also, we would all eat a lot more snails.

But Napoleon did not win the battle. Later his opponent, the Duke of Wellington (also famed for rendering beef completely inedible and known as “Sally” to his friends), described the fighting as: “The nearest run thing you ever saw in your life,” which was Sally’s way of saying Napoleon almost won. To add insult to injury, Napoleon’s famed Imperial Guard — the closest thing the French Army had to crack assault pirates — ran away:

Bugger

My pirate brothers and sisters include Captain Stanky and Rank Ol’ Pete.

The Lost Power Point Slides (Napoleon Surrenders Edition)

Napoleon SurrendersNapoleon surrenders to the English, July 15, 1815

Napoleon presents “country gent” exile to Prince Regent –>last slide

If I surrender, you will:

  • exile me from my beloved France
  • let me live a quiet life in the English countryside
  • allow me to bring my own chef

I will not:

  • call you “smelly beef eaters”
  • take over Europe again.

Prince Regent presents “hellish exile” solution to Prime Minister –>slide 6

Main provisions:

  • St. Helena
  • bad food
  • poison too (just to hedge our bets).

On board the HMS Bellerephon, Captain Frederick Maitland explains change in plans –>slide 12 & 13

  • no, not going to take you to Lake Country
  • no, you will not have private chef on board
  • no, the Billy Ruffian will not take you to St. Helena.
  • from here we sail to Torbay, so tourists can gawk at you for a while
  • the Northumberland takes you to St. Helena.
  • no! No private chef!