Tag Archives | pirate

How to Play Monkey-Robot-Pirate-Ninja-Zombie (moropinzee)

Here is the new version of rock-paper-scissors, or rochambeau, as it is sometimes known. As you can see from the schematic below, each thing can beat two other things, and is, in turn beaten by two other things.

Monkey-robot-pirate-ninja-zombie -- the hand game

The players both count to five (three), though it is obviously better to repeat the name of the game (Monkey! Robot! Pirate! Ninja! Zombie!). Each time you raise your fist and swing it down. On the fifth (third) count, you form your hand into one of the five gestures. (It is recommended that in addition to the hand gesture, you also add an aural component to this — see below for suggested noises.)

So, what beats what, and what are the gestures? What?

The monkey gestureMonkey

  • Monkey fools Ninja
  • Monkey unplugs Robot

Suggested noise: ee-ee-eek!

The gesture for robotRobot

  • Robot chokes Ninja
  • Robot crushes Zombie

Suggested noise: ex-ter-min-ate!

The gesture for piratePirate

  • Pirate drowns Robot
  • Pirate skewers Monkey

Suggested noise: arrrrr!

The gesture for ninjaNinja

  • Ninja karate chops Pirate
  • Ninja decapitates Zombie

Suggested noise: keeee-ah!

the gesture for zombieZombie

  • Zombie eats Pirate
  • Zombie savages Monkey

Suggested noise: braaaaaaaaaainsss!


There is a logic to the hand gestures provided, and with any luck they are perfectly obvious. Now, you may be wondering, “Mark, are you totally insane? Are you procrastinating, perchance? Or are you just bored?” The answer is yes.

Update: based on a scientific survey of the comments, Twitter and Facebook updates, “moropinzee” seems to be the easiest name for this game to remember. Someone also had the excellent notion that there could be a full-body dance to celebrate a win.

Alltop and is easy to beat because they always choose monkey. Swirlee.com had the original concept, and I’ve come up with the signs, graphics and sound effects.. Originally posted in March, 2009.

Contest: extended to September 9th!

Go Tuck erize yourself!Don’t miss this opportunity to win a walk-on role in my next book, which I’ve extended a couple days past Labour Day. All you have to do is sign up for The MonkeySphere, my monthly newsletter, or join my Facebook page, and you could win:

  1. a chance to appear in a walk-on role in my next book
  2. a chance to win one of three copies of Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals
  3. the exciting chance to have a “mystery” item from my desk sent to you.

Even better, join both — you’ll double your chances, and anyone who signs up for the MonkeySphere will get $2 off Marvellous Hairy. More details here.

Do it now, because the contest closes soon!

Alltop is waiting to procrastinate.

Your chance at immortality, books, and random crap!

Go Tuck(erze) Yourself!Hell yes, we’re going to do this again. This is a contest in which you may be able to win:

  1. a chance to appear in a walk-on role in my next book
  2. a chance to win one of three copies of Marvellous Hairy, a novel in five fractals
  3. a “mystery” item from my desk.

Now, if you’ve entered, or think you will, this is an excellent time to start thinking about how you would like to appear in my next book. Actually, to say next book is to narrow it down too much. I’m currently at work on two books; both are satires (naturally). One is a speculative fiction, the broad theme of which is artificial intelligence, and the other is a historical fiction — or rather, a gentle send-up of the kinds of historical fictions that win Booker and Giller Prizes on a regular basis.

Would you be a pirate?You can put yourself in either book. Almost anything goes. You can appear as yourself — with your name attached, or as a pseudonym. Or your cameo can be somewhat fictionalized. Perhaps you’ve always wanted to be a pirate. Or maybe a ninja. (I hope not, but there’s no accounting for tastes.) Maybe you’d like to be a character with an extra appendage. Almost anything goes, as long as we can work it into the story in a way that doesn’t completely destroy the structural integrity of the novel.

So, what do you imagine you’d like to do with this opportunity? Feel free to share here.

Still want to enter? Join my fan page or my newsletter (sign up for both to double your chances). You have until midnight, August 31st!

Alltop and is always ready for its close up. Excellent pirate pic by practicalowl.