submission

Happy International Worker’s Day everyone! Yep, it’s May Day, the traditional day to celebrate the worker, to dance around Maypoles, and if you’re really into it, you may even want to do some Morris Dancing. Alas, the hoopla falls on this, the 99th edition of the Carnival of Satire, but we will press forward with our cynicism anyhow:

We start with this news of recent scientific research. Dr. Tundra was very upset to read Will’s report that the Tinfoil Hat Brain Firewall Not So Secure After All.

Now, this busy worker isn’t dancing around a Maypole exactly, but she is very excited about something. And frankly, it’s kind of worryng. You’ll find the whole image at Fengtastic!, or click on the thumbnail.

Speaking of Maypoles, Swann has learned The Real Reason Hillary is Running.

While on the subject of poles with ears, Barbara Diamond informs us that Dick is obsessed with Nothin but Ass.

Ian Bowman has begun a promising list of defaults, starting with the default hobby for gainfully employed guys who are not in the habit of doing something even remotely interesting: photography.

Madeleine Begun Kane has nya, nya with: Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You.

Sammy Benoit piles on with his terrifying dream: Barack Obama Was At The Exodus.

Huck Finn learns how Putin will save American democracy: by sending Chastity Belts to politicians.

This submission by Michael Fowke just freaked Thag out, but it was strangely compelling: Invesco Perpetual: Neil Woodford the star manager.

Greg Merrick has more financial doings with this primer on How to Completely Ruin Your Life Trying to Start Your Own Business.

While celebrating May Day, you may want to keep this news from Bloggledoggle that the Swamp Thing Actually a Hippie. Also there are indications that Batman is psychotic and Woody Woodpecker is an instigator. You heard me, an instigator.

And to finish off with some non-satire: Davexplorer made us laugh with this list of Dog Look Alike Celebrities.

And that’s it for the 99th edition! For our 100th edition, we’d like to do something a little different. We’d like you to find an example of some great satire that is not your own, and share it with us. We’ll credit both the finders and the findees. And what is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you dance around a bit. Warning: Alltop may cut in.

Technorati tags: carnival of satire, satire, humor, humour..

This week we mark the passing of a great actor and showman. From the homo-erotic undertones of Ben Hur to the coolest, most ass-kicking post-apocalyptic dudes (Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man, Soylent Green), Charlton Heston’s delicious sense of irony will be missed. Speaking of Soylent Green, you should consider entering The Skwib’s “Vintage Ads of Fictional Futures” contest. There are prizes and everything.

Marvel as Rickey Tells You How To Blog!

These Commandments should be disobeyed only if you want your blog to get the “die by the word” treatment of Mr. Heston’s scenery-chewing, prop-gnawing, tablet-chucking Moses.

To quote Mr. Snitch: “Now would be as good a time as any.”

Switching to politics — yes, that was irony — Rant Man relays a letter in: Job Application Denied .

On a related note, Madeleine Begun Kane has An Ode To Lefty Bloggers Who Hate Hillary Clinton.

Not that any of this debate is going away soon. R. Pettinger explains the economics of why American Voters (may) Prefer Shorter Elections (but will never get them).

Citing concerns over increased pressure from electronic traffic signals, Street Signs Unionize. Robotic reportage from eewestcoaster.

Libertarian Mike Billy has gone over to the dark side. He Wants Indentured Servants.

What about the poor benighted tax software? It’s a kind of indentured servant, but according to Mad Kane, it’s also a bit cheeky.

And on the topic of cheeky, how about this Kijiji ad for snow-shoveling services?

Roy Wilding presents Part I: “My Icons Have Fallen Off My Desktop, What do I do?”.

Jeremy Zongker presents a cartoon that answers the question: What if Everyone Practiced Universal Default?.

Mully presents Suburban unworking class hero expounds on food.

And in the not-exactly satire category, Charles H. Green has a prose Ode to Distrust. To be fair, this may actually be satire, but we’re so cynical, we think his salute to distrust is actually good avice.

And that’s it for this larger-than life edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. What is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you dig around a bit.

Technorati tags: carnival of satire, satire, humor.

Welcome to an impolite and somewhat freakish edition of The Carnival of Satire, where we discuss politics, religion, and improbable sexual positions. But first, we start with some advice for the evil masterminds of the world:

General Kang will be sure to enjoy Destructo’s Tips for Evil Staff Meetings.

Jeremy H has ‘hit’ on some important news: God Says Yes to Drugs.

Cato presents us with this feline hagiography: San Catio de Calistoga.

It’s a shame when the news cycle grinds on before we can catch all the satiric poetry from Madeleine Begun Kane. Still, her Ode To Eliot Spitzer is not to be missed.

Joe Qelqoth has been auditioning a number of Sexual Advice Columnists on the topic of Love and Marriage.

Suldog presents the death-related, political, sporty WDUH News.

Jkrane82 has been digging into the Presidential archives, and reveals Five “Lost” Presidential Emails Unearthed.

Huck Finn presents this flow chart to explain How Money Is Sucked Out of the U.S.

Mully has a useful guide to NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament.

Jeremy Zongker presents How Banks Calculate Your Transactions.

Sammy Benoit presents Hamas, Cease Fires and Bill Cosby.

Our exception for this week is: Gary Vasey’s rant: Isn’t it Fun to be British?.

And that’s it for this edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. What is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you dig around a bit. Thanks to Azrainman for his disturbing and hilarious Cyclops frog.

Technorati tags: carnival of satire, satire, humor, humour.

Welcome to the Carnival of Satire, where you can momentarily forget your worries about the impending meltdown of the US economy. (Stop smirking all you Albertans!)

Rickey Henderson is not only a great baseball player, but he’s financial wizard. Learn how to rise above the economic collapse with Rickey’s Stock Market Tips.

Brent Diggs has an important note about What The Promised Recession Means To You As An American. Our apologies to all the non-American readers. (May or may not include Canadians.)

Gameguy has discovered The Problem with Talking Animals. Yes, we were also surprised there was only one problem.

Elisson butts into the carnival once again with a real cracker of a story: READER.

Ben courts decranialization danger with this wonderful Potential Death Metal Album Title.

There is more information about President Bush’s package in this post by Ellis Reed than you will probably care to know: Bush’s Most Eloquent Press Conference.

Still on the political scene, Robbie Mitchell takes us deep into the Senate (ew) with this chat: what happens in estonia… “You have been invited to a conference chat with Raising_McCain and thatshillaryous1026. Do you accept? y.

O’rene Ashley continues the excellent series on How to Get Into An Ivy League School (Part 2).

Greg Merrick presents Not Only Does My Son Have A Learning Disability, He’s A Complete Idiot.

Gus presents Another irsmind.com film: “Any Given Tax Season”.

And once again, we’ll finish up with the only non-satire pick of the Carnival: Edith presents this useful information about the Three Golden Rule of Presentation by Guy Kawasaki (in YouTube video form.) Loathers and users of PowerPoint may find it especially entertaining.

And that’s it for this recession-proof edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. What is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you dig around a bit. Thanks to Erinsikorskystwart for the picture of the one-quarter-eaten Recession Special at Gray’s Papaya. ($3.50 US for two dogs and a drink.)

Technorati tags: carnival of satire, satire, humor.

It may be the length of the winter speaking, but I for one welcome our new alien overlords. Klaatu barada nikto! Welcome also, to this week’s interstellar Carnival of Satire:

Daniel Brenton has an exclusive statement from John Hordure, the director of the newly-formed League for Unified Non-cooperation with Exopolitical Enterprises (LUNEE), who reveals once and for all Why the Aliens Really Don’t Land. Bob Saget, pay attention.

What’s more baffling than UFO sightings? sweetpea has the answer: David Caruso’s “acting” ability.

Madeleine Begun Kane suggests to Dear Ralph: Go Away!. (Psst. Ralph is an alien.)

Offersave is also a poet, and this gem perfectly explains a religious crisis we’ve experienced too: I’d Like To Be A Buddhist .

It’s a well-known fact that aliens call us “monkeys”. Mind Scalpel has some interesting simian research to share, and then Amidst The Post-Valentine’s Day Rubble, Issues A Call To All Men.

Greg Merrick produces the miraculous news of an Ancient Race of Christian Man Discovered — Evolution Debunked?

Sammy Benoit says that MSNBC’s Obama/Osama Screw-up Was an Easy Mistake to Make.

If only they’d had PS3 before Iraq. Matt Howard learns that Bush and Advisors Play Team Fortress 2, Iraq War Called Off.

Speaking of Bush, O’rene Ashley has advice on How to Get Into An Ivy League School, yet did not mention anything about being born into the right family.

Chris Carter reprints a Times article Mourning A Tragic Loss.

Finally, Daniel Brenton has a sad obituary about Nessie, the Loch Ness Monster.

And that’s it for this extra-terrestrial edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. To the kind-hearted stranger who sent us even more soft-core Japanese porn videos, thank you, we would only share them if they’re satirical. (See “It’s all about the subtext, baby” below). What is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. There are more aliens here.

Technorati tags:
carnival of satire, satire, humor, humour, ufo.

It’s Valentine’s Day, and what better way to express your love than to rip into something with a vicious bit of satire. (Actually, we mean, “what better way to express your love if you don’t have access to whipped topping, a recording of Bolero and a fool-proof way to occupy Iraq?”) You could start by questioning the very existence of love, or say, a state ….

According to arch-skeptic Chris, “credible evidence for the state of Pennsylvania remains elusive”, and he takes us through his compelling case in: A Skeptical Look at Pennsylvania. We would like him to debunk the myths of Winnipeg and love next.

Mind Scalpel has more precision blogging for us in his proof that One Frenchman Beats A Hundred Monkeys.

A horrifying fact, but what about Blue Sunshine’s insightful ideas about Horror Movies? Can they really make people uncomfortable in every situation known to man?.

FitBuff reports on an actual scientific study of the Seinfeldian term: Double Dipping. As far as we can tell this research was not conducted in Pennsylvania, so it is statistically reliable.

Newsflash: Fair at Radiactive Liberty has jumped on the Obamawagon!

Bloggledoggle has news of some interesting research that shows some 1980s Video Game Cause Obsessive Compulsive Disorder in Kids born in that era. We are somewhat skeptical, as the research is from someplace called “Philadelphia” (Pennsylvania).

M’, yeah, I’m going to need you to go ahead and work this weekend … disgruntledemployee stuffs the suggestion box.

Speaking of stuffing. And suggestions. Charles H. Green claims that he did not make up this Conversation with a Spambot, but we have our doubts.

Joe Canzano is also experiencing some work issues, as relayed in his Yearly Review

Oscar DaGrouch has a modest (and disgusting) proposal for ending world hunger: Fat transplant surgery.

Jay Groce has this ironic take on how to Make Money Blogging.

Avant News has this report: Citing Faltering Economy, Lawmakers to Forego Cocktails.

jim presents Whirled News Tonight - Illinois Presidential Primary Yields Surprises.

Sammy Benoit explains more political shenanigans in the US: Why Rush and Ann hate McCain- the real reasons.

Dr. Deb has an adorable video about What Therapists REALLY Do In Between Sessions.

This gives us a chance to include a non-satire post from TherapyDoc. (And let’s face it, if you’ve read every post to this point, you will need some help now.) What ‘Faking It ‘Til You Make It’ Really Means

And that’s it for the VD edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Remember, TherpyDoc’s post is an exception, and we’re looking for satire. To the kind-hearted stranger who sent us soft-core Japanese porn videos, thank you, but we’re looking for satire. Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. A special thanks to Boodoo for the image at the top and to humor-blogs.com for putting the “gei” into geisha.

Technorati tags:
carnival of satire, satire, humor, humour.

It’s that time of the political calendar. Here in Canada we’re still waiting to see when the next election will be, but in the meanwhile, there is the US Presidential Primaries to enjoy. Depending on your viewpoint (and what kind of cake you’ve been eating), the process will make you feel either very big or very small:

DWSUWF gets us the mood for whimsical fantasy (like you’re not always in the mood for it) in: The Hero and the Queen of Darkness - A Fairy Tale for Our Time. Warning: the accompanying image is kind of graphic and disturbing.

Fiar shows us the rabbit hole (no that’s not some kind of nasty euphemism) with this Exclusive Interview with John Edwards.

David Mills takes us through the rabbit hole in this tale of the Return of the… EXCEPTIONAL 4!.

At the Borowitz Report, more Mad-hatted political news as a Gay Tiger Attacks Huckabee.

Ken G. introduces us to the Queen of Hearts when he forwarded us this email: FW: FW: FW: HILARY DIANE RODHAM CLINTON.

Escaping Wonderland, The Dopple Gang takes us on a sci-fi-tropic ride of satire in: Your Entry-Level Job Skills Are the Only Thing That Can Save the Universe.

Living Off Dividends has discovered this Hilarious Indian Telemarketeer Spoof Video.

It’s shocking. Rambo refuses to answer Rickey’s questions. Rickey should be grateful the Mumbler didn’t answer with his fist.

Aaron R is questioning if the polar bear is really Endangered?, particularly in relation to their available food supply.

chris has another video for us: Red Bull - Last Will.

Avant News presents: President Bush Remains Mute Throughout 2008 State of the Union Address.

“Professor” Reginald Isley presents What Would You Do For a Klondike Bar? (a double-speak analysis).

Sammy Benoit presents UN Human Rights Council’s List of APPROVED Gaza Solutions.

And to take us out on a final note of the surreal, this hilarious parody of the Tom Cruise Scientology Video (located here, if you haven’t already subjected yourself to its warped genius), is Jerry O’Connell:

And that’s it for the Wonderland edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. A special thanks to humor-blogs.com for throwing regular mad tea parties.

Technorati tags:
carnival of satire, satire, humor, humour.

Welcome to the travel edition of the Carnival of Satire. We haven’t been on a plane for a few months, so we were surprised to see the new overflow seating policy of Air Canada. (Pictured to the left.)

Chris Christensen starts off this fortnight’s satire with these 7 Outrageous Predictions for Travel in 2008.

Madeleine Begun Kane takes us on a poetical politics ride with this funny A Liar’s Haiku and a limerick crying for sanity: Dear Editor: Enough With The Polls, Already!.

DWSUWF has run a grand social experiment in identity: what would happen if a Democrat became a Republican in San Fancisco? Find out in Republican Like Me

Stop the presses. Damian G. breaks this news: Ron Paul disavows bigoted statements written on campaign blimp..

Quelqoth reports on the Comfy Chair Fiasco.

But back to Republicans. Bagel has coined a new phrase and put it on a toke bag: “You say ‘lemming’ like that’s a bad thing.” Sorry, toTe bag.

The Offended Blogger has begun the Oh, Bloody Hell Offensive (against the testosterone travel industry, we think).

200motels presents Mexican wrestling: CHUCHA LIBRE!.

Sidhusaaheb has a modest proposal: Auction the Bharat Ratna!.

Speaking of India, Jason X presents The Onshore Alternative.

And the LOLcat phenomenon has now also branched out to Animal Planet, thanks to The Silent LOL.

Andrew Hendel believes he has the Top 10 Best Reasons To Not Work Out at the Gym, but the list neglects the most important reason — they don’t serve beer!

Steve has an entertaining and sarcastic review of The Year in Television 2007 .

And if all of this wasn’t enough, we have also learned that LOBO hates Hittites. Just sayin.

And that’s it for this edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, humor-blogs.com, and at the Blog Carnival too. A special thanks to Odegaard for his excellent Photoshop work.

Technorati tags:
carnival of satire, satire, humor.

Welcome to the first Carnival of Satire for 2008, the Light-Year of the Alien. Basically, the blogosphere is like Manhattan in the Men in Black movies. Sure, we pretend that we’re normal people, but bloggers everywhere are freaks, exhibitionists, and certainly extraterrestrial in nature. Sometimes, we’re even satirical.

Daniel Brenton blows the lid off Operation Majestic Twelve in the second episode of The Round Files: The George W. Bush MJ-12 Briefing

David Mills makes good use of his audio editing software and presents this anti-Semitic rant from Ann Coulter. (I mean, come on, for sure she’s an alien.)

Madeleine Begun Kane believes there is an alien conspiracy in Arkansas, and she Won’t Graciously Submit To Mike Huckabee.

Brent Diggs and the good people at Ominous Comma Industries have a new product for us meta-galactic mutants looking for love, promising: Copious Comments - Guaranteed.

Thomas K presents MUTE Politics. Surely there’s an Earth drinking game somewhere in here?

Sammy Benoit is channeling some kind of Ambrose Bierce-like ET in this Middle East Peace RAW SEX TALK.

gameguy presents the news that Cheney’s Biscuits Are Burning.

Usiku presents an alien’s perspective on Understanding Underwriting

Keith_R tackles the surreal (off-world) language of the business world in: The Top 12 Phrases I Hate in 2007.

And while the jet warms up, Dan Johnson figures that Gift Cards are Ruining The Holidays and has reasons why. (Just replace the word “gas” with the word “space” in this post, and you’ll see he’s an alien too.)

And that’s it for the alien edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, the Blog Carnival, and the good denizens of Planet Humor-Blogs too. A special thanks to Garrette for his toothy alien.

Technorati tags:
carnival of satire, satire, humor.

The best part of Christmas is all the blood. Or maybe it’s rotating knives. Wait! It’s the screams of agony as your captives are flayed alive. No, definitely the blood! Sorry, that’s Aztec Festival of Tlacaxipehualiztli we’re thinking of. Christmas is about buying things, right? Anyway, happy holidays all, and welcome to the seasonal edition of the Carnival of Satire:

First “Metrosexual,” Then “Man-Crush,” Now Simply “Homo”: Ahistoricality has found a gem with these Most e-mailed stories of the future on NYT.com (at Corn Chips And Pie). You may also be intrigued by the The Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic.

Coincidentally, Sammy Benoit at Yid with a Lid has a bit of seasonal poetry for us all: A Visit From Condolezza Rice.

While we’re thinking about old St. Nick, here’s what he does December 26th. You see, Christmas is not just about buying things. Not forgetting the Claus-man’s essential manliness, you may be interested in The Frogster’s ideas about enhancing male attributes.

And it wouldn’t be the holiday without ritually humiliating your pets. Thanks to Leslie’s Omnibus for finding this pic:

For more, check out Suzy’s Twelve Pets of Christmas contest.

We’re not sure what the hell is going on in this post, but it’s entertaining (and satire, we hope): lordsomber at the aptly-named The Pungeoning presents Clever Phrases, Realpolitik and the Spin of a Coin.

Chickens in the Road has news from Roane County: Downed Tree Causes Year’s Worst Pileup.

You know, a pen makes an excellent stocking stuffer, and this one sounds really good. Hat tip to Predator Press.

Madeleine Begun Kane has a few Political Laughs for us this week.

mark admits he is a frustrated, yet confident, author.

blue skelton has an even more damning admission: I’m in Love with Ann Coulter.

Spoiler alert: Adam Burkett has a review of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Jesse Ruder presents Emo Island.

Up until now, Weird Al never appeared in the Carnival of Satire. Steve Oliphant has blown that record with his collection of Music Videos from the 80’s.

And that’s it for the seasonal edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. Thanks to Peter Forret for his “evil” Santa pic and to humor-blogs.com for the daily gift of laughter.