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The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Christmas Carol Edition)

By on December 15, 2006 in The Lost PowerPoints

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to ComeThe Ghost of Marley presents “Boo” –> Slide 3

  • Investment strategies not helping me now
  • Mostly wandering Earth in penitence
  • Heavy chains and iron ledgers are not a fashion statement
  • You’re next buddy.

The Ghost of Christmas Past presents “But are you bitter?” –> Slide 5

  • So your Dad didn’t visit you at boarding school.
  • And he called you a waste of oxygen.
  • And the only person who loved you, your sister, died.
  • But does that mean you should be such a wanker?

The Ghost of Christmas Present presents “Think of the children!” –> Slide 2

  • Tiny Tim is so cute.
  • He’s cute, and he’ll die!
  • Do you want him to die?
  • Your nephew thinks you could still change you know.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come presents “You Can Call Me Mr. Death” –> only slide

  • Tiny Tim
  • You
  • = wormfood

Inspired by the original (first published December 19, 1843)

Comments are off again

By on December 15, 2006 in General Skwib

Gentle readers,

The management of The Skwib has elected to turn off our comments. The spammers win. You can still do trackbacks, if you’d like, but for the time being, we’ll be going dark on the comment side of things.

Professor Quippy: Something’s up in the shlong sciences

By on December 14, 2006 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyThis has been a big week for news about the old “John Thomas”. Not mine, but in general.

First of all, my heart goes out to the nation of India, who have had the proportions of their tallywhackers collectively question by this survey showing that more than half of the men surveyed had equipment that was shorter than international standards for condoms.

Now, perhaps they have too much soya in their diets. According to the august online journal WorldNetDaily, and their columnist, Jim Rutz (who is not a scientist, it should be noted), soy in the diet of male children can lead to shorter thingies, and even cause homosexuality. Lest you think he’s a complete wanker, there is some evidence that too much soy in the diet can lead to male infertility, and even underdeveloped tackle, according to a researcher in Belfast. Dr Lorraine Anderson did not take the same leap vis-à-vis the loafer-lightening effects of soy.

And for those of us who were genitally mutilated early in life, there is a ray of good news concerning our sliced up salamis. As it turns out, male circumcision reduces the risk of contracting HIV by 50 percent. This is the finding of a huge clinical trial in Africa. Do what you will with that innuendo.

And yes, I managed to get through this whole post without using the word penis.

Oh bugger.