The Poetry of William Thudsworth St. John-Smith

Ode to Johnny the Brave

After the great battle at Balaclava
To be counted among the dead
Twelve Cossacks lay on the field
Each shorter by a head.

Who accomplished this marvelous deed?
Who smote the powerful Slav?
Who has earned Her Majesty's gratitude?
Twas Johnny, the mighty and suave!

Yes! Twas Johnny who offed the lot of them
Accomplished the deed twelve times
Mighty he was, that is for sure
And suave? Well, that bit rhymes.

Suave he really wasn't, you see.
The infantry was his employ.
But ripping the heads off Russians
Was something he did enjoy

Two by musket butt, four by knife,
six by the barest of hands
Extreme violence was a thrill for Johnny
It had to do with his glands.

The noble officers and gentlemen
In amazement were put
By the feats of lowly brave Johnny
"Twelve head by one of the foot!"

Alas Johnny fell at Sevastapool
In that violent hornet's hive
While hurling dead Russians over the works
Well, some were still alive.

A Russian lord did pierce young Johnny
And put an end to his labor
Ran him right through the middle
With his officer's sabre

"Curses!" cried out Johnny
as he looked down at his spleen
"I'll have your lordship's head for that
That was really mean! "

And he seized the terrified Russian
And he ripped off his head.
Then Johnny collapsed and breathed his last
Because he was quite dead.