The Southwark Sling,
circa 1866
While Michael Flannigan's hands
were full trying to control his unruly sisters and their profligate
ways, he was still hard at work as an inventor.
Not content to rest on his laurels
as the much-praised genius behind the 'particulate breathing apparatus',
Flannigan was hard at work on other projects as well. Though he
primarily resided in Ireland, he knew that his market was still
in the moneyed streets of London. Whenever he could patch things
up with Scotland Yard, he would make trips back to sell such devices
as The Pornograph (1855), The Gentleman's Friend (1857), the Fecal
Banishment Apparatus (1860) and the Whistle-Snap Vitals Binding
System (1863).
It was on one such trip that
he had occasion to experience a modern marvel riding a new subway
from Farrington Street to Bishop's Road, Paddington. This short
journey elicited two emotions from Flannigan: anger at being away
from London so much of the time watching over his slattern sisters,
and inspiration. He noticed how uncomfortable everyone looked
in the third-class carriage, jostling cheek-to-jowl-to-cabbage.
With a rare bit of business acumen, Flannigan decided to sell
the fruit of his revelation to the new City of London and Southwark
Subway Company, which was starting a new "tube" line that year,
for a tidy little sum.
However, he did not see his
device actually used, as it took J. H. Greathead and his engineers
until 1890 to complete the new line.
The Sling was a simple device
composed of three wide leather straps, the passenger's head or
shoulders went through the loop of one strap, and then a second
set of straps could hold both legs separately, or together. Intended
to be used for commuters so that they could lie down and enjoy
their ride on the tube, the idea was that these lucky passengers
would be safely suspended above the press of the crowds. The tube
line intended to sell "strappers" for a penny more per ride.
However, Flannigan had failed
to take Newton's First Law of Motion into account: As bodies in
motion stay in motion, the hapless Slingers (as they were called
that dreadful summer) tended to discover their heads slipping
out of their Slings whenever the conveyance came to a stop. Then,
another discovery of Newton's (gravity) would act on the body
in motion, proceeded to bring the skull into a precipitous and
somewhat traumatic downward arc into the floor of the conveyance.
Horatio Jeeks (1)
said in the Splotchy Herald and Beacon:
The new tube is truly a
marvel. It can whisk one throughout our fine City in a trice,
and is marred only by the occasional sound of Slingers falling
out of their ridiculous straps, disturbing the screeching
of the conveyance with the uncouth sound of wet melon breaking
open on pavement.
Fortunately for Flannigan, the
City of London and Southwark Subway Company had lost all record
of where they acquired the cranial-imparing device, and no charges
were brought forward.
--"Scholarship"
by The Squire
Notes:
- Horatio Jeeks
was a long-time friend of Joseph "Spungy" Freakinswad,
the Poet of Bankside. Jeeks was also famously the winner of
London's Worst Alcoholic award; 1867 to 1872. And a fine journalist
to boot. (Biographic detail courtesy of Mr. Martin Archer,
Daze of Our Lives.)
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