Government of Canada: Memo
From the Desk of:
Jim Peterson, International Trade MinisterTo:
Paul Martin, Prime Minister
Irwin Cotler, Justice MinisterCC: The Skwib
Issue:
As you know, the US refuses to honor the legally binding and unanimous decision of the free trade tribunals — a ruling that said US had no right to impose tariffs on the import of Canadian softwood lumber. This is a flagrant disregard for the process of law.
There have been several suggestions that the Government should impose its own tariffs on incoming goods such as orange juice and wine, or slap outgoing tariffs on oil and gas exports from Canada.
The drones at the Ministry here feel that will hurt Canadian consumers, or cause further division between the Government with the Province of Alberta.
However, it is clear that the Government, on behalf of the people of Canada, must retaliate in some way or we will continue to be bullied by our erstwhile “partners” in Free Trade to the South.
Solution:
We propose that Canada move immediately on Operation BC Bud, which is designed to really annoy specific influential decision-makers in Washington.
Operation BC Bud
Phase One: Immediately deny extradition of Marc Emery, as requested by US.
Phase Two: Immediately decriminalize the possession and sale of cannabis in amounts of 30 grams or less. Continue Reading →
Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner
Blob Threatens East Coast Dance
TORONTO — An event meant to celebrate East Coast culture has gone horribly awry at the Harbourfront Centre.
Mocean, a five-woman dance troupe from Halifax, had just taken the stage to perform when a sixth dancer — a quivering, purplish mass — burbled out from behind the wings and got into line with them. Without any warning, it missed step and one of the other dancers fell into the “blob”, to be horribly consumed by the creature.
The other dancers tried to complete their act, but were unable to because they were also relentlessly hunted and ingested by the blob.
A horrified audience did not know whether to run for their lives or applaud as the last brave member of the dance troupe was eaten, still keeping time with the music.
It then oozed off-stage to devour four independent choreographers.
The host of the event Tellan Dyar later told The Skwib, “the blob made a huge mistake. The other choreographers are actually from Montreal, not the Maritimes.”
Scientists do not know how much of a threat the blob poses to other dance communities in the country, or where it will strike next, though it was seen in Newfoundland, headed for Saint Mary’s, where Mrs. Murphy is hosting a kitchen party tonight.
Inspired by:
Blob threatens east cost | No stopping the Maritimes in motion | The Blob
Monday carnival madness
This will be one of those growing posts, but today we’ll start off with the Best of Me Symphony, hosted at The Owner’s Manual.
And there are always Items of Interest out there. This week’s edition is quite fun.
Of course, it gets more confusing in the Carnival of the Insanities.
Wednesday-O-Rama
Okay, a new thing today; instead of just listing carnvials, I’d like to point folks to some other weblog entries that I’ve enjoyed over the past week or so.
I’ll start with today’s carvnivals, though. First, the COTV is held this week at Willisms.com. And you’ll find The Skwib mentioned at the Wednesday edition of Conservative Cat’s Funny Stuff.
Over at WuzzaDem, I thought this Blog Noir tale was very funny.
And it’s more than a week old, but Mr. Sun had this answer for the question: What caused Robert Novak to blow? (I especially like the line: “funny feelings while watching men’s gymnastics.” Also fitting into the “or so” category is Jesus’ General cartoon: Blessed are the embryos.
And another carnival note – the Carnival of Comedy had its sweet 16. Wow. They grow up so fast, don’t they?
US Drug Enforcement Agency Asks Canada to Extradite Cows
SEATTLE — The US Drug Enforcement Agency (DEA) has filed extradition orders with Canadian authorities, demanding that Canada deliver their cattle to American justice.
“We have been waiting for the US Department of Agriculture (USDA) to drop the ban on Canadian beef almost as long as Alberta Beef Producers,” DEA spokesperson Peter “Buzzkill” Wimsey said at a news conference earlier this morning.
“Canadian cattle have been using the Internet and the postal service to traffic in cannabis seeds for years, and it is time to put a stop to their illegal activities,” he added.
The cattle were unavailable for comment.
“Hundreds of thousands of dollars of their illicit profits are known to have been channeled to marijuana cow legalization groups active in the United States and Canada. Bovine drug legalization lobbyists now have one less pot of money to rely on,” said Wimsey, smirking for the camera. “See what I did there? Used ‘pot’ in another way?”
The cows at the center of this debate come from three Alberta ranches, and all contribute to several websites they run collectively: cowseeds.ca, cowcannibisculture.ca, and hempheifers.ca.
“Once we have them in custody, they will probably face 10 years to life in prison, or we may just barbeque them,” said Wimsey.
Farming groups, pot activists and cow enthusiasts have asked the Canadian Minister of Justice, Irwin Cotler, to refuse to extradite the trio of blunt-biased bovines on the basis that it would be unjust and oppressive.
Inspired by:
Russia uses pot as animal feed | Original cow photo by oxymoron
My neighbor is a frickin comedy genius
Okay, so every morning I take my dog Ceilidh for a walk, and occasionally we pass by Frank’s place. Frank is an older gent who’s lived in the neighborhood for 60-plus years and is a font of knowledge. The topic of another neighbor came up in conversation:
Frank: “That guy is a screwball.”
Me: “He’s an odd one.”
Frank: “You know he used to have a lacuna.”
Me: “A lacuna?”
Frank: “Yeah, it was this big.” [He holds his hands about two feet apart.]
Me: “A lacuna?”
Frank: “Yeah. He completely forgot where it was.”