Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner

Writing novels … buying novels

Dear regular readers (and all you bunged-up readers too),

I won’t be posting tons of original stuff for the next couple of weeks as I finish work on my new novel. On a related note, did you know I write novels? (You may have missed the ad over there to the right.)

So if you’d like to read some more of my stuff that is, frankly, WAY better than the rantings and delirium I churn out here on a regular basis, you should check them out. And if you’re reading this on Monday, January 17, and you own a Kindle, you’re in luck! You can still get a copy of Marvellous Hairy for $1.99! Goodreads members can get the epub version there for $1.99.

Marvellous Hairy is about a surrealistic novelist being turned into a monkey-man by an unscrupulous biotech giganto-corp, and his circle of friends trying to set things right. Available in many places, but you can get $2 off if you sign up for my newsletter and purchase at Amazon.

My first novel, The Amadeus Net, is the story of an immortal Mozart, his dalliance with sex-change surgery, Czech (lesbian) nurses, and a sentient utopian city. You will make my editor’s day if you buy The Amadeus Net direct from ENC Press.

Now here is a cartoon about robots:

cartoon about robots

Alltop thinks all this crass commercialism is disgusting.

A dystopia in which we can all believe

betty white power poster
Icelandic artist, filmmaker, and musician Omar Hauksson presents a futuristic vision for us to revel in:

We here at Nakatomi only tolerate one kind of White Power- BETTY WHITE POWER! Betty White rules the atomic wasteland with an iron fist, making sure we’re all nice to our domestic pets. If you kick a dog, she will cut you man. Cut you quick.

You can get the print here.

Alltop takes iron fist supplement with every breakfast.

Why Everyone Should Read Cat’s Cradle

“Now I will destroy the whole world.”
– What Bokonists say when they commit suicide, Cat’s Cradle, Chapter 106

Cat's cradleYou’d think a story about the end of the world – not just the world of one person, or human civilization, but all life on the planet – would be a grim affair, but Kurt Vonnegut’s Cat’s Cradle is replete with wit, wry humour, and a touching compassion for human frailty.

Vonnegut’s book is no bright dystopia, like the one portrayed in Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, nor is it as unrelentingly dark as George Orwell’s 1984. It’s our world that Vonnegut so amusingly satirizes, a world in which human beings are awfully good at creating doomsday devices (atomic bombs, religions), and lying to themselves.

Many have said this is a story about the insanity of the Cold War, but I think it’s a short history of human stupidity. And it is as relevant today as it was when it was first published in 1963. The plot follows a narrator who is writing a book about one of the creators of the atomic bomb and in the process discovers the scientist has also made Ice-9, a substance with the potential to turn all water into solid ice. Why invent such a dangerous thing? Come on, science can’t be held back by such existential worries – it’s progress, baby.

Our world is beset with climate change caused by our technologies. As a species, we’re on the cusp of massive changes that could exceed the pace of evolution – whether from genetic engineering or through fusing our biology with information technology – and this is precisely the kind of book that everyone needs to read.

We need to think about what we are doing with our scientific power, not just proceed blindly.

Cat’s Cradle is the book that helped me find a way I could be a writer: it’s literary, but it plays with science fictional tropes; it’s funny, but there’s a point to it all. In it he invents a religion, Bokonism, that is both humane and ironic, and that puts the lie to all other human religions. He spoofs geopolitics as easily as he skewers human egocentrism. And he does it all with humour and prose that’s accessible and well crafted. It’s deceptively simple, in fact. You can’t help but be moved, and then you think, “How did he do that?”

The short chapters are perfect for today’s attention-deficit-disordered readers (at least, until we have our concentration chips implanted), so it works as a book that everyone at university could read.

Not to mention all the great ideas (foma: a harmless untruth) and kickass existential “Calypso” lyrics from the Book of Bokonon:

Tiger got to hunt,
Bird got to fly;
Man got to wonder, “Why, why, why?”
Tiger got to sleep,
Bird got to land;
Man got to tell himself, he understand.

Originally appeared on The Mark, and thanks to Nodoca for the photo.

Dynastic Ambitions

Victorian couple -- gent in diving suitReginald Tweedsmuire had invented the tongue depressor, tongue scraper and uvula tickler (better known as the Roman Weight Management Apparatus), and he was said to be in line for a Knighthood for his Force 10 Mustache Wax (capable of keeping even the most impressive mustachios stiff and manly in high winds, and much-beloved by Prince Albert). As such, the family was actually quite wealthy, and able to afford the best finishing schools for their only daughter.

During her early years, Eucretia had demonstrated an aptitude for the visual arts, and was a celebrated painter, a somewhat scandalous occupation for a young woman in Victorian England. But her diction was perfect, her manners impeccable, and she was an expert doily appraiser, a much more respectable activity for genteel women of the time.

Sir Reginald, as he would soon be known, moved a lot of mustache wax and goose feathers. The Tweedsmuires, in other words, were rolling in it.

This is why Lord Dullsmather Braincringe had asked for Eucretia’s hand in marriage. For the money. Nearly Sir Reginald was thrilled of course. In addition to his extensive uvular and mustache wax fortune, he had vast ambition, and a noble marriage would help elevate the Tweedsmuire name above mere industrial middling class. Someday, he might have a grandson ensconced on his flabby ass in the House of Lords.

That is, if Eucretia could ever entice Braincringe to take off the Browning Suit long enough for congress to occur.

Apparently, Alltop cannot be enticed to put The Skwib higher on its feed. Strangely compelling image via Twisted Vintage.