Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

Good Queen Bess presents: My Reign (slide 2)

• shall be, ahem, The Virgin Queen
• therefore, last of the Tudors
• don’t ask, don’t tell policy: you don’t ask, I don’t tell them to cut off your head for treason.

Good Queen Bess presents: My Reign (slide 3)

• religion of England shall be Protestant (Act of Uniformity)
• no papists, really
• England for the English
• Ireland for the English too.

Sir Francis Drake makes diplomatic overture to Spanish (only slide)

• kiss my Golden Hind.

Sir Francis Bacon presents “knowledge is power” (slide 12)

“Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested: that is, some books are to be read only in parts, others to be read, but not curiously, and some few to be read wholly, and with diligence and attention.”

Sir Francis Bacon presents “knowledge is power” (slide 13)

• that was a metaphor, dumbass
• don’t actually eat books.

William Shakespeare presents “Better than Marlow” (slide 25)

Blank verse Marlow made first, improved did I.
Say ye no? Fie, fie, on your poxy yard!

Sir Walter Ralegh presents: taters! (slide 4)

• slice, fry in oil
• call these … hmmm, chips
• oh, good for Irish too.

Inspired by:
Begin of Elizabeth I’s reign: Nov. 17, 1558

Camus presents L’Étranger (slide 1)

• hmm, want to create something influential
• something high school French students will have to read
• something to mess them up
• yep, present life as meaningless.

“Beauchard” presents the French resistance (slide 4)

• help get rid of Krauts
• edit paper “Combat”
• human life is precious
• but still meaningless.

Camus presents The Myth of Sisyphus (slide 1)

• dude has to push rock up hill
• eternally
• huge bummer, right?

Camus presents The Myth of Sisyphus (slide 2)

• no, the absurd hero
• no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn
• happiness springs from the absurd.

Inspired by:
The birthday of Albert Camus (Nov. 7, 1913) and The Myth of Sisyphus

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 2)

We interrupt this program to bring you a news bulletin:

• strange explosions on Mars
• meteorite landed in Grover’s Mill, New Jersey.

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 3)

• reporter Carl Philips here at landing site
• large crowd watching Martian rocket ship open up
• heat rays vaporize people in crowd
• O the humanity!

Dwayne Lunchbucket, listening to the radio in Schenectady, NY, presents “I’m freakin’ out” (only slide)

• Martians, Martians!
• Aiiiiii!

[sound of front door slamming after I run out of house, screaming like a little girl]

Orson Wells and Mercury Theatre present “this just in” (slide 7)

• Martians spraying poison gas
• US Army can’t stop them
• total annihilation imminent.

Radio-listening public presents “hey, let’s panic!” (several thousand slides, repeated over and over)

• is it really Martians?
• no, must be a mistake, it’s the Germans!
• The Germans have invaded?
• Yep, Germans!
• Aiiiii!

Orson Wells presents “it’s just a play people” (slide 6)

• once again, we remind you that this is just a play
• a performance by The Mercury Theater
• I am boy genius, Orson Wells, and we will serve no drama before its time.

Inspired by:
Anniversary of original radio broadcast of The War of the Worlds, October 30, 1938

U.S. President Grover Cleveland Dedicates “Liberty Enlightening the World” on October 28, 1886 (slide 2)

• gift from France, another sister in liberty, celebrating the centenary of the Declaration of Independence
• without France, America would not have been free
• an alliance of friendship and respect
• yep, America will never forget this. We’ll always be friends.

French sculptor Frederic Auguste Bartholdi presents ideas for statue in 1867 (slide 6)

• liberty is a big idea, therefore, big statue
• a new colossus
• needs a hot model (not wife)

Slides from Emma Lazarus poem “The New Colossus” in 1883 (second last slide)

Give me:

• tired
• poor
• huddled masses yearning to breathe free

Also:

• wretched refuse
• homeless, tempest-tossed.

Taylor finds ruined statue half-buried on beach and presents scenery chewing rant number three (only slide)

• You maniacs! You blew it up!
• Damn you! God damn you all to hell!

Inspired by:
anniversary of dedication | original photo by bencwright

In 17th century, James Ussher (Primate of Ireland) presents: 6000 years, give or take (slide 2)

• So, first day of Creation was October 23, 4004 BC.
• That means Great Flood was 2348 BC.
• If only we could get this included in King James version of the Bible, then everyone would know it.

In pre-Columbian Palenque, Jerry the Shaman presents the sacred text “Popol Vuh” (slide 13)

• Earth created or August 13, 3114 BC (long count: 13.0.0.0.0)
• Next time long count is at 13.0.0.0.0 is Dec. 21, 2012
• Don’t worry, that’s a Bactun; the end of universe is October 13, 4772.

In 1927, Jesuit priest Georges Lemaître presents Le Grand Boom-Boom (slide 3)

• derived the Friedmann-Lemaître-Robertson-Walker equations
• the recession of spiral nebulae shows the universe began with the “explosion” of a “primeval atom”
• therefore Le Grand Boom-Boom.