Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

The Lost Power Point Slides (Napoleon Surrenders Edition)

Napoleon SurrendersNapoleon surrenders to the English, July 15, 1815

Napoleon presents “country gent” exile to Prince Regent –>last slide

If I surrender, you will:

  • exile me from my beloved France
  • let me live a quiet life in the English countryside
  • allow me to bring my own chef

I will not:

  • call you “smelly beef eaters”
  • take over Europe again.

Prince Regent presents “hellish exile” solution to Prime Minister –>slide 6

Main provisions:

  • St. Helena
  • bad food
  • poison too (just to hedge our bets).

On board the HMS Bellerephon, Captain Frederick Maitland explains change in plans –>slide 12 & 13

  • no, not going to take you to Lake Country
  • no, you will not have private chef on board
  • no, the Billy Ruffian will not take you to St. Helena.
  • from here we sail to Torbay, so tourists can gawk at you for a while
  • the Northumberland takes you to St. Helena.
  • no! No private chef!

The Lost Power Point Slides — Canada Day Edition

Leifur Eiriksson suggests exploration of Vinland
(slide 7)

  • L’Anse aux Meadows would make excellent base camp
  • Don’t worry about Skrælings
  • Don’t sweat weather either.

Giovanni Caboto job interview with King Henry VII (slide 1)

  • Born in Genoa, from Venice
  • Yes, I can sail
  • Yes, I have pulse
  • Yes, it’s okay to call me John Cabot
  • Yes, I will find Northwest Passage to Asia.

Samuel de Champlain recruits colonists for 1608 expedition (slide 10)

Food for expedition:

  • I won’t lie to you, it won’t all be pastries & fois gras
  • Lack of green veggies shouldn’t be a problem, though.

Montcalm, after defeat on the Plains of Abraham, 1759 (slide 3)

  • Well at least we got Wolfe
  • This wound in MY chest?
  • It is nothing.

Acting US Secretary of State Richard Rush on Negotiating Treaty, 1817 (slide 3)

  • Yeah, the guy’s name was Bagot
  • Only the English — Bag-ot, heh.
  • Good treaty though, disarms Great Lakes.

George Brown reports on first Charlottetown Conference, 1864 (slide 1)

  • We stayed on steamship SS Victoria
  • No other accommodations available because circus in town
  • Yes, actual carnival performers in addition to Maritime delegates.

Lawyers try to get Louis Riel off for “reasons of insanity” at his trial for treason, 1884 (slide 6)

  • Mr. Riel talks with God
  • Calls himself “David”, prophet of New World
  • Keeps saying: “Life, without the dignity of an intelligent being, is not worth having”
  • Yes, crazy.

Major Albert Bowman Rogers, on not cashing cheque, 1881 (final slide)

  • Wanted to find railroad pass through Selkirk Mountains
  • Did it, and named after me.
  • Big deal for me. Cool. All about me. Me!
  • Holding out for special watch from Mr. Van Horne too.

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (#4):

Thag presents “spear” (slide 1)

  • long stick
  • sharpen end
  • put end in fire
  • this hard pointy bit goes in mammoth.

Chares of Lindos on building the “Colossus of Rhodes”(slide 12)

materials needed

  • iron
  • timber
  • earthen ramp
  • copper (lots)
  • something to make shiny bits even shinier (you know what I mean, you naughty Rhodesians)

Napoleon presents “Waterloo” (slide 1)

  • split Prussians and English
  • defeat each in turn
  • my greatest victory yet.

Hippocrates addresses the First Congress of the Greek City-State Medical Association (slide 2)

Rule One:

  • Don’t kill your patient

Rule Two:

  • Don’t make them sicker

(Same rule?)

Laura Secord explains scheme to warn Fitzgibbon of American plan to invade Niagara to idiot husband (slide 4)

  • Cow is a distraction
  • Cow is not going to fight Americans
  • Cow is to help me get away from American officers billeted in our house
  • Cow is not important!

The Lost PowerPoint Slides (#3)

Thag Presents Fire (slide 1)

Useful multi-purpose tool:

  • heat
    • prevention of intestinal problems through “cooking”
    • source of warmth for when Ice Age begins
  • light
    • increase number of useful nit-picking hours each day
    • Unk can work on his “cave painting” technology
  • protection
    • lions and other predators less likely to eat us

Beer! The new taste sensation! (slide 5)

  • More than rotting grasses in puddles
  • Tastes good(ish)
  • Feel squiffy (more fun for dancing, drumming, etc)
  • Prevention of intestinal problems
  • Need for agriculture now? Drag, but come on, it’s beer!

Second Presentation of Exodus
Concept to Pharoh (slide 7)

The LORD:
–Greater than Seth, protector of crops

  • locusts
  • eat grain
  • nothing green left
  • (not good for Egypt)

Socrates: Keepin’ it real (slide 2)

  • not lying
  • eloquent, yes but I tell the truth
  • i.e., bite me

Thomas Huxley: Presentation to British Association for the Advancement of Science (slide 96)

  • Rather be descended from an ape
  • –vs–

  • look like an ape

Einstein: Relativity (slide 3)

  • gravity — not a force
  • gravity — curvature of space-time
  • light can be “bent”
  • e.g., Christopher Isherwood in Nollendorfplatz

Hey, Let’s Invade Russia: Hitler’s Command Briefing (slide 4)

  • melting lead is good way to predict future
  • signs look excellent for Operation Barbarossa
  • this lump in particular (next slide)