Julie: Happy Ending Pleasure Borg
A service unit barely intact (after her encounter with a rogue Penetrator 15000).
We can rebuild her.
We have the technology. We can make her better than she was. Better…stronger…faster…
We can’t do much about the crying jags though.
From Toulouse Le Grandfig in the Land of the Future | photo by Litmuse
We’ve sparked up another fine carnival for you this week, which we think may set you on fire:
Late addition: Archer over at Lawyerworldland has some fine political satire.
Joe Qelqoth has been good enough to explain the finer points of Acute Gleichschaltung Syndrome in his excellent medical post at The Cult of Qelqoth. Vegetarians be warned!
Michael Fowke is a self-proclaimed financial shaman, and his psilocybin-fueled vision of Canary Wharf is convincing proof of the truth of his claim.
Brent Diggs takes the mickey out of memes with: Marauding Monday. Warning: some asterisks were killed in the making of this post.
Rickey Henderson pokes his finger into a new and Completely Superfluous Sport. It’s not satire: it’s real, but it’s still funny.
Jon Swift makes an impassioned plea asking Pseudonym-Americans to Fight Back.
Madeleine Begun Kane has found the “found” Poetry Of Rudy Giuliani. Would it be possible to un-find it Mad?
On October 10, 2007, Marcel Legros announced: As of Today, I’m Claiming Copyright to the Word ‘God’. Shortly thereafter he was beaten relentlessly by fundamentalists wielding Bibles, Korans and unread copies of Dianetics, of which two are copyright-free, we note with interest.
Tim Abbott has a rambling and strange Skwib-like post about Winning the War on Horror that is nevertheless worth the visit. Also, he has a link to a video about zombies, with a boppy song by Jonathan Coulton. Continue Reading →
by Mark A. Rayner
You know, I’m getting a little tired of all the snide remarks about the way I fight crime.
We live in a world that has villains, and those villains have to be defeated by men with Batarangs. Or superpowers, if you’ve got them. (Yeah, and females too, don’t get your star-spangled knickers in a knot, Wonder Women.) I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You weep for the psychotic killer that I sent to the hospital last night, and you curse my “methods”. You have that luxury.
Green Lantern, you can always capture crooks with that weird glowing shit from your alien ring. And you Wonder Woman, I wonder if that golden truth-telling lasso is as innocuous as it looks? You have easy options.
You know that when I beat that punk to within an inch of his life, while tragic for him, I saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I find it particularly ironic that you, Martian Manhunter find me grotesque, but you do, don’t you, you green uni-browed freak!
I’ll grant my methods are extreme, but they work. You people with your superpowers don’t dare admit it. You don’t want the truth because deep down in places you don’t talk about at parties, you want me cruising the streets of Gotham in my Batmobile, you need me in my Batmobile! Who else is going to clean up that bat-hole?
I use words like discipline and detective work and a lot of made-up words starting with “Bat”. I use these words as the backbone of a life spent intimidating the criminal classes. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to you, who succeed because of the detective work that I provide, and then question the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said thank you, and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a Batarang and solve a few crimes without your superpowers.
Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think is “excessive” or “brutal” or “verging on insane”. Continue Reading →
The Beeb has a fun article about the silliest laws on the books. I found both the list for the UK and the “foreign” list quite funny, and educational. For example, I will never again be “caught short” in Scotland, knowing that all I have to do is knock on someone’s door, and he is legally required to let me use the facilities. And if he doesn’t, well, I can murder him without fear of an uncomfortable stay in Her Majesty’s Royal Prison. (Provided I can get him to York, and get him to carry a bow and arrow.)
And if you’re thinking about taking a trip to Milan, strap your smile on. Of course, I’m more worried about the people living there. My guess is they’re ready to snap by now. They probably have to kill or maim someone every once in a while, just so they can go to the funeral or visit them in the hospital.
BBC article about the most ludicrous laws.
Why do we always focus our anger on the poor monitor? It’s not their fault — they’re just showing us the miserable disaster that our bloated software is torturing us with. Even if most of these clips are fiction, this montage is still lots of fun (and the music is a perfect choice);
In addition to Tibetan Dissident Biathlon, the 2008 Beijing Olympics will have another exciting new demonstration sport in Shooting: the 50-Metre Land Requisition Event.
Normally, the 50-metre Pistol competition is a solo sport, and does not include a running target (such as skeet or trap). But the 50-Metre Land Requisition Event combines all the excitement of team sports, shooting, and moving human targets. Many funs!
On one side, the “sanctioned” team, which is usually backed by local communist authorities or enterprises, and consists of three crack pistol marksmen. On the other side, the hapless Chinese inhabitants of urban areas that the party would like to sell to developers. This is not a team, so much as a disorganized mob of men, women and children attempting to avoid a hail of well-placed bullets while protesting their forcible eviction. The Beijing Olympic committee has set this event in Shanghai, where there is quite a bit of land not being put to the “best” (profitable) use.
So far, Zimbabwe, Angola, and Burma have said they’ll be sending teams. China is the hands-down favorite, having had so much practice forcibly evicting people to create venues for the Beijing Games.
More demonstration sports with the Beijing Olympic Mascots:
Tibetan Dissident Biathlon | Organ Relay | Hu Flung Falongong | Forced Sterilization Footy | Press Clubbing | 50-Meter Land Requisition Event
‘Inspired’ by:
Amnesty International 2006 China Report, and their Countdown to the Olympics