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Archive | February, 2011
Looking for Dr. Manhattan
After seeing Watchmen, Sylvia and her best friend Pat were so excited by the film, they decided to become superheroes themselves.
Pat became “The Welder”, while Sylvia opted for a less constraining costume, styling herself simply: “The Blower”.
They didn’t fight much crime; instead, they spent most of their evening hours in a fruitless search for massive cerulean irradiated schlong. They did, however, acquire an arch-nemesis, they later called, “The Gonorreathor”.
Alltop likes anything irradiated. Blue is just a bonus. Thanks to Foxtongue for finding this photo. Originally published in April, 2009.
The Cannon
The marketing for “The Cannon, The Ride of a Lifetime” was a tad misleading, if accurate:
Hey kids, do you want to fly? Then come down to Uncle Savage’s Funzateria for Orphans and Undomesticated Children. We have the greatest ride ever invented by the cybertronic minds of NaziWorks 3000! (The Caring Company)! It’s free! And it makes you fly!
Just run into the gaping maw of the NaziWorks Happy Harlequin™ and you’ll be whisked upwards at the speed of sound.
Don’t worry about paying, because you’ll be airborn before we can even ask for your money.
It’s the most fun you’ll ever have. IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE!
From the Toulouse Le Granfig in the Land of the Future collection. | Brilliant artwork by Odegaard, and check out the full-sized pic here | Originally published in December, 2007.
There’s nothing better than a rich inner life
Alltop was really into Aquaman as a kid.
Or it could be he just never outgrew the 80s
Alltop owns an entire closet full of Lacoste.
Ask General Kang: Should I declare bankruptcy?
That is a big decision, but if your finances are as messy as a Prufeenian Fecal Monkey lobbing huge —
Sorry, I meant EMAIL bankruptcy. You know, where you just delete all your email.
You can do that?
Yeah, and then I’m thinking that I’ll just use the phone, or fax, or whatever
But if you do that, then the spammers will have won.
They already have won. I can’t even answer all my regular emails.
I don’t know, this smacks of defeatism. I think a better solution is to create some kind of bio-weapon that targets people who send you unwanted or unnecessary emails.
Bio-weapon?
Yes, I know that on Mephitis VI, there is a kind of multi-appendaged gut worm that can emit a high-pitched whining sound, which is a combination of noise similar to a mosquito’s buzz and about 100 overtired children stuffed into a mini-van. At the same time, each appendage is capable of delivering a neurotoxin that causes bits of your face to fall off and necrotize rapidly into a bubbly goo that smells worse than the Stench-Beast of Vomitus XII. Now, if would could somehow cage these beasts and attach them to people’s email programs …
I think I’ll declare email bankruptcy.
Okay, but you’re admitting defeat.