Archive | July, 2011

The problem with Superman

parody of superman
Yep. Preventing cat burglary and muggings is a total overkill.

I imagine another outcome to this alternate history of Superman. All those years as the “transitional power source” have driven him somewhat insane, or perhaps just really bitter. When he is finally put out to pasture, Superman realizes that he must justify his existence to the people of Earth, so he invents a new supervillain (that is him).

Superman decides to call him Namrepus (because he was never a terribly bright super-hero), and threatens to destroy the Earth if the humans do provide 10,000 virgins to him so that he may repopulate another world with his human/kryptonian offspring.

A first virgin is chosen, and Namrepus comes to take her away. (His costume is the reverse of superman’s, with blue underoos and cape, red unitard, and an insignia with a backwards ‘s’, because Superman is so committed to the backwards name thing, he does not stop to think that a real supervillain called Namrepus would have an ‘n’.)

The virgin is wearing a pendant of gold kryptonite, which temporarily removes Superman’s powers, and he is sent to Arkham Asylum.

There, Superman becomes good friends with Mr. Freeze. Eventually, they are rehabilitated, and they become successful businessmen, selling designer ice sculptures and bottled water products, made of ice gathered from the asteroid belt.

NOTE: The Flash could also be used as an excellent power source. Just put him in a hamster wheel attached to a power generator.

Alltop love the out-of-this-world taste of asteroid ice cubes.

Bob Newhart’s call from Walter Raleigh

This is great on a couple of levels. First of all, it makes you think about all the strange little things we take for granted around us. I’m sure a similar conversation happened when Thag cracked open his first oyster and slurped it down (no doubt in a fit of starvation) and then relayed how good it was to his buddy Tharg.

Secondly, it shows value of thinking obliquely. And then lighting it on fire.

Alltop misses snuff.

Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Onions

Onion-lovingShattolott City, 1932

The man who loved onions.

He loved onions

Loved em. Really.

He loooved them. If you catch my drift.

The authorities frowned on his vegetable affections, but he would not stop. I sing joy monkey monkey at his happy artifice.

But in this country, I did not eat.

Next Time: On the Fields of Eton

About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he never wore that frilly gown. Never!

Seriously, you have to go buy Amazon.com. Or just one of the books there, we suggest this one. Do it or the blog gets it. We’re fading already! Originally published in 2008.

Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Amazonia

In the land of the AmazonsHermitage Villas, 3000 BC

I’m in the land of the Amazons. The women are giant. And cruel. They play a game called “Truncheons and Skulls” with the men.

The winners levitate the unfortunate survivors; these poor devils are forced to laugh at their ignominious floating before they are consumed by carnivorous haberdashery.

I weep. My cigar is flaccid. All-told, I am sorry to have left the boat.

Next Time: Onionania

About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he was fond of mulit-layered conundrums that could be fried with garlic.

Marvellous Hairy is sorry to have left the boat. You know, you’re never supposed to leave the boat. Watch for tigers if you do. And cows. Originally published July 2008.