The problem with the apocalypse was there was no single event.

You couldn’t say, “where were you when . . ..” The day the asteroid hit. The day they nuked Milan. The towers fell. They shot JR. Or Kennedy. Our apocalypse was a creeping end. Like zombies, or carpet beetles.

Instead, we talked about the clowns .

Tonight Julie is on about the fucking clowns. I hated the clowns. We all hated the clowns. But it’s done, I mean, why do we have to keep hashing it over?

“And do you remember her book? Going Maverick? Do you remember that?”

Alltop is always on about the clowns too. Originally published on Name Your Tale, as Story #713.

They were never going to give him a Nobel Prize for Buffoonery.

The Pulizer committee had told him in no uncertain terms that there wasn’t a category for astonishingly narrow, rakishly worn top hats.

And he’d been shut out of the Oscars for years, even though the critics had not condemned his broad portrayal of Adams, Taylor, and Taft in his “Flatulent Presidents” series of movies.

Still, at the end of the day, Bibbi the Intestinal Distress Clown was happy with his Genie Award.

Part of the Toulouse Le Grandfig collection.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com are also interested in winning awards.

Jeremy the Clown had saved the AI revolution from its own destructive impulses, but everyone felt funny about it.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com both suffer from coulrophobia. Thanks to Blue Beany for the clown.

Do you suffer from coulrophobia? Are you haunted by images of that clown at your sixth birthday party — you know, the one where the clown turned balloon art into something that made your mother scream and your father inexplicably start wailing on him?

Well, you’re right to be afraid. Deep down, everybody knows that clowns are filled with a barely caged animal rage. Oh sure, it’s all dressed up in the capering, car-stuffing, and pie-flinging. But don’t be fooled by their colorful outfits and improbable hair.

They are dangerous. They will turn on you. And this song proves it:

Bozo’s Lament

I guess because my name is Bozo
I was destined to be a clown
But when I joined the traveling circus
I didn’t think that it would bring me down
Make me angry like sniper in a tower
And every Saturday
I take off my nose and say never more

Pie in my face
Five days a workweek
It’s in my face
Pie in my face
It sucks to be a clown

You can go listen to Bozo’s Lament (and read the rest of the lyrics) at Jonathan Coulton’s website. The disturbing illustration is by Jawboneradio. You should check out both of their off-beat works. You may also want to check out the clowns at humor-blogs.com.