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Pirates, Vikings and The Lost Boys

By on January 25, 2011 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

Norse PastafarianismAs he watched the proceedings unfold in court, Dr. Maximillian Tundra was starting to understand how Mohammed or Jesus might feel if they could see what had happened to their teachings.

Of course, all great prophets someday have their ideas formalized and turned into religions, but Dr. Tundra had just not been thinking about that when he formed his own sect of Pastafarianism, the First Church of the Noodly Norsemen.

Like other Pastafarians, they believed that the universe was created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster. But while other worshipers thought it was the declining number of pirates that has caused the increase in global warming, hurricanes and earthquakes, Dr. Tundra had been preaching that, in truth, it was a lack of Vikings.

And now a radical sect of his very church (popularly known as the Norse Pastafarians) had been arrested for planning an extensive terror campaign against the misguided pirate-based version.

They called themselves the Lost Boys and planned to eradicate the pirate-believers. And they had been caught, because of Dr. Tundra.

He’d really had no other choice. The lead terrorist, who called himself “The Peter”, had been unwilling to listen to Dr. Tundra’s arguments.

“Peter –” he had started.

“THE Peter,” The Peter had interrupted. Continue Reading →

Forty-Seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#41)

By on July 8, 2010 in Forty-seven signs

From the Book of Bolt-Action Lamentations

The iTaser -- music and non-lethal force at the same time!And truly, there will come a time when the faithful women-folk of a distant land will no longer run through the Forests of the City without protection, for the men-folk will not Exercise with them and protect them with their bulk.

And lo! A Prophet shall say, “I shall protect you, though your men-folk do not!”

And the Prophet will construct devices of cunning, colored “fashion” pink, and “red-hot” red. And some devices will be covered with the Skin of a Leopard. Others will be “matte” black, and hidden in holsters of cow skin.

The Prophet shall sell these devices for a reasonable price, and they will be Weapons that Harness the Lightning. And when their Lightning is released upon the Unbelievers, the Rapists, and other Beasts of the Forest of the City, they shall say, “ung-ung-ung!” and fall twitching to the ground.

And all the while, the faithful women-folk of this distant land shall listen to the Music of the Heavens. And they shall glory in the Songs of Prince, and the Madonna, and other Holy Crooners that are good to hear when running, for the device can hold many songs.

Alltop like’s Bagel’s idea. (see comments) Read the signs yourself | The Prophets of Humor. Originally published January 2010.

Carnival of Satire (#97)

By on March 27, 2008 in Carnival of Satire

Carnival of Satire #97Welcome to an impolite and somewhat freakish edition of The Carnival of Satire, where we discuss politics, religion, and improbable sexual positions. But first, we start with some advice for the evil masterminds of the world:

General Kang will be sure to enjoy Destructo’s Tips for Evil Staff Meetings.

Jeremy H has ‘hit’ on some important news: God Says Yes to Drugs.

Cato presents us with this feline hagiography: San Catio de Calistoga.

It’s a shame when the news cycle grinds on before we can catch all the satiric poetry from Madeleine Begun Kane. Still, her Ode To Eliot Spitzer is not to be missed.

Joe Qelqoth has been auditioning a number of Sexual Advice Columnists on the topic of Love and Marriage.

Suldog presents the death-related, political, sporty WDUH News.

Jkrane82 has been digging into the Presidential archives, and reveals Five “Lost” Presidential Emails Unearthed.

Huck Finn presents this flow chart to explain How Money Is Sucked Out of the U.S.

Mully has a useful guide to NCAA Men’s Basketball tournament.

Jeremy Zongker presents How Banks Calculate Your Transactions.

Sammy Benoit presents Hamas, Cease Fires and Bill Cosby.

Our exception for this week is: Gary Vasey’s rant: Isn’t it Fun to be British?.

And that’s it for this edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. What is satire? Someone wrote something about it once, we think. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, Ferdy’s permanent floating ping festival, and for the listings at the Blog Carnival too. Also, you may find some satire here if you dig around a bit. Thanks to Azrainman for his disturbing and hilarious Cyclops frog.

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Carnival of Satire (#90)

By on December 20, 2007 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#90)The best part of Christmas is all the blood. Or maybe it’s rotating knives. Wait! It’s the screams of agony as your captives are flayed alive. No, definitely the blood! Sorry, that’s Aztec Festival of Tlacaxipehualiztli we’re thinking of. Christmas is about buying things, right? Anyway, happy holidays all, and welcome to the seasonal edition of the Carnival of Satire:

First “Metrosexual,” Then “Man-Crush,” Now Simply “Homo”: Ahistoricality has found a gem with these Most e-mailed stories of the future on NYT.com (at Corn Chips And Pie). You may also be intrigued by the The Zionist-Conspiracy-O-Matic.

Coincidentally, Sammy Benoit at Yid with a Lid has a bit of seasonal poetry for us all: A Visit From Condolezza Rice.

While we’re thinking about old St. Nick, here’s what he does December 26th. You see, Christmas is not just about buying things. Not forgetting the Claus-man’s essential manliness, you may be interested in The Frogster’s ideas about enhancing male attributes.

And it wouldn’t be the holiday without ritually humiliating your pets. Thanks to Leslie’s Omnibus for finding this pic:
Christmas Lolcat humiliation

For more, check out Suzy’s Twelve Pets of Christmas contest.

We’re not sure what the hell is going on in this post, but it’s entertaining (and satire, we hope): lordsomber at the aptly-named The Pungeoning presents Clever Phrases, Realpolitik and the Spin of a Coin.

Chickens in the Road has news from Roane County: Downed Tree Causes Year’s Worst Pileup.

You know, a pen makes an excellent stocking stuffer, and this one sounds really good. Hat tip to Predator Press.

Madeleine Begun Kane has a few Political Laughs for us this week.

mark admits he is a frustrated, yet confident, author.

blue skelton has an even more damning admission: I’m in Love with Ann Coulter.

Spoiler alert: Adam Burkett has a review of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.

Jesse Ruder presents Emo Island.

Up until now, Weird Al never appeared in the Carnival of Satire. Steve Oliphant has blown that record with his collection of Music Videos from the 80’s.

And that’s it for the seasonal edition! If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too. Thanks to Peter Forret for his “evil” Santa pic and to humor-blogs.com for the daily gift of laughter.

Carnival of Satire (#89)

By on December 6, 2007 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#89) -- nun with gas maskOur findings this week are definitely on the religious side, though oddly non-conservative as well. Or not, we’ll let you decide:

Rickey Henderson kicks things off this week with fourteen Commandments of Blogging. Moses only needed ten, but then, he was merely starting a religion.

Madeleine Begun Kane returns to the carnival with a limerick (and video rendering of): My Family Needs Me.

Ian Welsh at The Agonist has done the research, and has a definitive answer on what Conservatives Spend Their Time Thinking About. Heh.

The question is: do neo-conservatives worry about the Apocalypse on the radio?. gary vasey has insight. And a punchline.

Of course, that never would have happened at the St. Mary’s School for Boys with Evil Tendencies (and Boxing Ring).

Steve Sham presents a few theories on the genesis of the term: “Black Friday”.

200motels presents The Latest News From France. Warning: definitely not safe for work, and potentially harmful to your libido, lunch and sanity. You have been warned.

KCLau presents the schematics for The ‘Never-be-Stolen’ Handbag.

Madeleine Begun Kane also writes snarky advice: Ms. Legal Person Answers Your Holiday Questions.

Kneon presents Do you have a fear of clowns? If not, Korpso the Evil Clown just might do the trick!.

While not technically satire, Scott H has some useful advice for the freshman year and includes a link to this YouTube video about the walk of shame.

Black Zedd has a satirical “about me” for his fictitious CEO of a marketing consultant company What About Me?

Simon presents Does anybody speak girl?.

And to finish, we have a very funny audio presentation:
Stephen Joseph has a truly disturbing and sometimes hilarious Guided Meditation Tape worthy of something Dr. Tundra might record after his traditional peyote breakfast milkshake.

And that’s it for this edition! If we’ve included your post, thanks, and please consider throwing The Skwib a link or a trackback. Otherwise, Sister Mary Trenchbroom (pictured above) may come calling. If you have some satire to share, please consider submitting next time. Thanks to these fine folks for helping us with webby-stuff: the Blog Carnival for their form; and the listings at the Ubercarnival, humor-blogs for including this nonsense, and the fine folks at the Blog Carnival too.

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