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Forty-seven Signs of the Apocalypse (#37)

By on July 15, 2010 in Forty-seven signs, Parody & Satire

From the Book of iChronicles

The False Prophet called Blue BirdAnd in this time the People shall become like unto the creatures that live in the Earth. The people shall share Tubes and they shall be intertwined, and lo, many will call them the Inter-Tubes and it shall please the people, though they are caught in a Web.

They will forget the Lord and instead, worship the Screen, and the Digit, and they shall share their wantonness thusly.

It shall pass that many of the People shall worship a False Prophet called Blue Bird. And they will be pleased by this Blue Bird, and they shall have the attention span of the newt, and share their brief and simple thoughts in characters of a gross less four. And some will say, lo! here is the Prophet of Blue Bird and its value is a thousand times a million talents!

And the Whale shall visit these Worshippers of the False Prophet, and there will be lamentation, and anxiety, and a great clicking.

The newsy proof is at the Wall Street Journal. Alltop is also worried about Satanic valuations.

Are you SAD?

By on December 14, 2009 in General Skwib, Odd Science, Skwibby fiction

Downward trend graphA public service announcement from The Skwib

This time of year can be troubling for bloggers; the days get shorter, the holiday season has its own particular stresses, and for those running weblogs, there are the dangers of SAD.

Statistical Affective Disorder (SAD) is caused by an abrupt and inexplicable drop in the visitor statistics to your blog. Early symptoms include:

  • sudden weeping
  • shout at the ceiling: “why, why, gods of blog … why?”
  • desperate attempts/plans/Fred Flintstone-like schemes to boost readership including:
    • massive increase in Tweets
    • hyper-active friending on Facebook
    • increased meme generation.

As the disorder progresses, you may find yourself:

  • bitter
  • angry
  • drunk.

And in the final stages, SAD can even lead to:

  • apathy
  • self-loathing
  • watching TV and reading books.

If you have any of these symptoms you may have SAD, and should seek qualified psychiatric help at the first opportunity. Alternatively, you could just turn off your damned computer.

Alltop and humor-blogs.com both suffer from FUN (Frequent, Uncomfortable Noobishness). Originally published in December 2005.)