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Boot to the head!

By on February 13, 2008 in But is it art?

Ah, Mr. Canoehead — Canada’s greatest aluminum-plated superhero, courtesy of The Frantics.

Episode 1: Genesis

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Did you like that Mr. Canoehead’s brother (Ted) is carrying a TV on the portage? It’s funny because it’s true. I once saw someone portaging an actual oven, in addition to about 600 lbs of other crap.

Episode 2: Kung-Fu Nun!

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More episodes here. Who the hell were the Frantics? [wiki] Why the hell don’t these guys have canoes fused to their heads? That would be cool! And a special hat tip to Karl Johanson for wasting my morning.

Professor Quippy: Counterintuitive dieting tips

By on February 12, 2008 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyIf you’re a fat bastard trying to shed a few pounds, you may want to lay off the artificial sweeteners.

According to a study from Purdue University, rats fed a diet of artificially sweetened yoghurt ate more and gained more weight than those fed yoghurt sweetened with sugar.

Okay, so if you’re a pudgy rat, then avoid the artificial sweeteners for sure, but the researchers believe there may be similar effect on humans. They think the artificial sweetener may screw up the body’s natural ability to track calories based on sweetness, and cause it to want to eat more.

They may also increase your craving for garbage and cause an uncontrollable urge to enter politics.

You can find more of the whiskery details at the Globe and Mail. Other failed dieting plans here.

The Old Spaghettification Swimmin’ Hole

By on February 11, 2008 in Toulouse Le Grandfig

Skinny dipping with a singularity

Stephen Newton was in love.

From his hiding place, he watched her disrobe and gracefully dive into the old swimming hole. Her alabaster skin shimmered under the water like some kind of glorious she-fish, her hair a jet-streamed collection of delicate seaweed.

“Oh that doesn’t do her justice at all,” Newton said, disgusted with his poetic shortcomings. “Look at her, she’s gorgeous. Like beauty itself. No that’s not right either. What’s a beautiful thing that swims? A porpoise? God, I really suck at this.”

He wished he could come up with a way to describe her superlative beauty. He wished she would love him.

He wished he’d had enough courage to talk to her.

Then he could have warned her about the miniature black hole that was about to suck her into its event horizon.

He wished he’d never had the uncontrollable urge to check out humor-blogs.com. He thought it sucked worse than the singularity.

Sunday O-Rama!

By on February 10, 2008 in General Skwib

GoateeCarnivals first: The mad, mad, Carnival of the Insanities and fine, furry Friday Ark.

Oh Bill. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

If you somehow missed the brilliant first installment of the Sarah Connor McLeod Chronicles, you can still read the script. On a related note, you may be interested in the Frogster’s explanation of how manly brains work. And you wouldn’t think knitting would be manly, but it can be funny.

And what could be more manly than bacon, the food of the gods? But it’s not just a man-thing, women like it too!

What could be more manly than bacon? Beards. Don’t get more manly than beards, as Rickey well knows. Did you know there is an international group of loons that run a competition for the best beard and mustache? I’m working on my goatee (pictured above, photo courtesy of Luciano Joaquim).

And now, a short history of beards:

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And for more hirsute humor (bearded and not), may we suggest humor-blogs.com? No? Bugger.