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Translaughter #1

By on March 15, 2007 in General Skwib

Persians and ramsOne of the joys of travel is getting to experience different cultures, see new places, and of course, find unintended humor in mistranslated signs. No doubt you’ve seen many of these before, but we present them with our own thoughts attached.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.

Well, at least I’ll only be an ugly American for a day.

In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

I’m definitely in France now!

In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 A.M. daily.

My complaint is that your complaining hours are inconvenient.

In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

As long as she does it with pleasure. I wouldn’t want to be flattened and not have someone enjoy it.

In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.

Whew, chambermaid is a tough gig.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

Don’t mention I’m a writer. Don’t mention I’m a writer.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

Just when you thought Switzerland couldn’t get any worse.

In a Hong Kong supermarket:
For your convenience, we recommend courteous, efficient self-service.

Yes, that is convenient. But I could have dont that at home.

In a Vienna hotel:
In case of fire, do your utmost to alarm the hotel porter.

I think I’ll wear a gorilla mask and slap him with a herring. Continue Reading →

Brutus: Master of the stabby deal

By on March 14, 2007 in The Lost PowerPoints

Brutus: Master of the Stabby DealYay, it’s almost the Ides of March. And you know what that means, salad lovers!

You can find Brutus’s homicidal presentation in Lost PowerPoint Slides (among others) at:
The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Ides of March Edition). Check out the original backstabber’s thoughts on Julius Caesar as king.

–As a purely personal aside, the HBO series “Rome” has done a great job with this historical drama, and in particular, I liked their take on Brutus and Cicero. (And James Purefoy as Mark Anthony is brilliant.)

Ask General Kang: One of our male ambassadors was just found outside his embassy, floor-lickingly drunk, and naked except for a pair of ladies undergarments — what should I do?

By on March 14, 2007 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangWell, unless you’re the Prime Minister of the UK, you definitely have to do something to improve the quality of your diplomatic corps.

My recommendation is pants-less chimps. Give them cute little outfits — probably top hat and tails would be most appropriate for diplomats — and hearts of your allies and enemies alike will melt when they get a visit from Ambassador Bobo.

Until the poo-flinging starts anyway.

Next time: I’m terrified I might inadvertently commit patricide and marry my mother — should I just blind myself now and get it over with? Oedipus Wreck.

Professor Quippy: Funnier than a barrel of monkeys pretending to tickle one another

By on March 13, 2007 in Monkeys!, Odd Science

Professor QuippyWhat’s funny? Well, it may or may not be a barrel of monkeys, but apparently laughter is hard wired into our primate and perhaps, our mammalian brains.

According to research by Professor Robert R. Provine of the University of Maryland, laughter and humor are not necessarily the same thing. According to a NY Times article today:

“Laughter is an honest social signal because it’s hard to fake,” Professor Provine says. “We’re dealing with something powerful, ancient and crude. It’s a kind of behavioral fossil showing the roots that all human beings, maybe all mammals, have in common.”

The human ha-ha evolved from the rhythmic sound — pant-pant — made by primates like chimpanzees when they tickle and chase one other while playing. Jaak Panksepp, a neuroscientist and psychologist at Washington State University, discovered that rats emit an ultrasonic chirp (inaudible to humans without special equipment) when they’re tickled, and they like the sensation so much they keep coming back for more tickling.

I wonder if Professor Panksepp did his own rodent manipulation or if he had to hire a special Rat Tickler for the job?

You can find the full article here.

Appeared at The Friday Ark.