Navigation

Ask General Kang: I’m outraged by the movie 300! What should I do?

By on March 23, 2007 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangWell, I think the first thing you should recognize is that it’s a movie based on a comic book — not a philosophical or historical document trying to show that Iranians are all hermaphroditic, gender bending aficionados of body piercing.

No I’m not outraged about that — I can trace my ancestry back to the priestly Ephors.

And you’re upset because they’re portrayed as pedophilic traitors with bad skin and a questionable sense of personal hygiene? Well, again, this is based on a comic book, so don’t take it to heart.

Either that or you could do what I did when I saw Planet of the Apes — strap on your simian plasma weapons, and put together an armada of angry bonobos armed with electro-accordions and a bad sense of rhythm.

Just make sure they don’t take a wrong turn at the Lobster Neblula.

Next time: What should we do about this spitting problem here in China?

The Carnival of Satire (#70)

By on March 22, 2007 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of SatireWelcome to the 7oth edition of the Carnival. Two weeks seems to be a better rest period for the satire to pile up, so the next edition will be April 5th. We hope you enjoy the current edition:

How Superman (the one with Christopher Reeves) should have ended. The best part of this parody is the Seinfeld-esque banter between Superman and Batman later in the coffee shop. Hat tip to Bobbarama for this one.

It’s pretty clear that Brian has some kind of superpower himself, because this summary of Heroes based only on the commercials he’s seen is eerily accurate.

Speaking of super, here’s another limerick from Madeleine Begun Kane: Purges and Surges, Twin Scourges, Oh My!.

Tim Abbott has slightly more elevated subject matter for his poem: “The Misplaced Bones of William Dawes”: With Apologies to Longfellow. Continue Reading →

Angus McNasty shows his Krakow

By on March 21, 2007 in Monkeys!

It looks as though bands of soiled and inebriated Scotsman are infringing the personal freedom of the Polish people.

Agnieska Gaspar of Krakow, said: “You can’t go round the corner without seeing a Scot showing off what he has under his kilt while one of his mates photographs him.

Story here in the New Scotsman: Polish authorities to ban kilts

Remind me to tell you about my run-in with Martin McNasty someday.

Professor Quippy: Where’s my frickin’ laser!

By on March 20, 2007 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyResearchers say Earth may be saved by space-based “lasers”. (Yes, do the air quotes, when you say “lasers”.)

With concern mounting over keeping track of Near Earth Objects — asteroids and comets — that could wipe out large populations, scientists at the Laser Science and Engineering Group at the University of Alabama have suggested that “lasers” may help us both track and deflect giant hunks of space debris, thus preventing them from ruining your day.

Most of the dangerous asteroids — the ones that we know about anyway — are tracked with radar . Radar is limited in how far away we can keep an eye on rogue solar love nuggets, about .1 AU (an AU is the distance between the Earth and the Sun). Lasers could track them from ten times the distance.

They could also be used to move them. Using more powerful “pulses” of these “lasers” (okay, I’ll stop, now), parts of the asteroid could be pulverized, ejecting space rock powerfully enough to act as a propellant, and moving it away from Earth.

“It really doesn’t take much of a push provided you do that early,” Richard Fork (who heads the Alabama laser group) told the New Scientist. “The key thing is to act early on.”

Plus, it’s totally cool. Perhaps we can call it “The Fork-lift Project”.

Pure Eeevil — Seinfeld Clips

By on March 19, 2007 in But is it art?

Superman in a cheap winter coatWell, I don’t have any original content for you today, but I’ve gathered some video goodness for you to fly through until I do.

Nine years later, Seinfeld remains a brilliant TV show. I can still watch it in reruns, even though I’ve seen most of the episodes at least a three times. (Except, having watched a couple seasons of Curb Your Enthusiasm, I notice that I do find myself clicking away from some of the more uncomfortable George bits now.)

TBS has a few clips you can see here, and some enterprising soul has illustrated one of Seinfeld’s stand-up routines. I’d never heard it before and it’s quite fun, particularly for North Americans who enjoyed the ritual of collecting candy at Halloween in their youth. This clip also features Seinfeld’s obsession with Superman to good effect. You know what’s wrong with the Superman-Seinfeld Amex ads? Superman has Puddy’s voice. I mean, come on, it’s Puddy!

By the way, in that first Amex ad, is it me, or are they implying that the Man of Steel might be, you know, a little aluminum in the loafers?

Not that there’s anything wrong with that!