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The Carnival of Satire (#38)

By on June 15, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

Carnival of Satire # 38Once again, we have a right foxy Carnival of Satire to carry us away here at The Skwib:

Miriam at has a New Fly in Residence appointed in Delaware. We wish they would scrap this program altogether. Damn you Ford Foundation!

Ahistoricality has unearthed the sad news that the Pentagon Channel has decided to cancel its long-running reality TV series, The Abu Zarqawi Hour, (from The Whiskey Bar).

Catnabbit! has a round-up of some of the worst cat-terrorists in the “Furr-eners” Featured in All-New “Deck of Terror”.

Jeff Burton has found an edit to Dan Brown’s masterwork in the Da Vinci Cuts.

Genie has a lengthy treatise on inducing fox urination , and not the Heather Locklear kind of fox either. Thag thought this was hilarious, offering up this pithy review: “Him crazy.”

Starling David Hunter has detected some Problems with the Iowahawk Blog Business Model.

Anonymous Educator has a satirical look at high school teacher Meetings.

Joan Conde learns that after the bombing, something was Found: al-Zarqawi’s Fan Letter to Steven Seagal.

Koranteng Ofosu-Amaah presents more Brown-inspired madness with Boycott and The Gospel of Toli.

And Seun Osewa at Nairaland Forum has something from the “modest suggestion” file Death Penalty For Exam Malpractices In Nigeria We assumed this was satire because it was submitted to this carnival. The comments below the post reveal that it may have been too subtle.

Okay, hide the kids. Rachel shows us the Birth of the Female Condom. We’d have to categorize this as sarcasm, but have included it because it has icky pictures.

Big Cajun Man has more sarcasm with a list of the Most Important Features of a Credit Card. (Note, this post is not satire either, but we included it for instructive purposes.) Continue Reading →

Ask General Kang: Do you have soccer on your home world?

By on June 14, 2006 in Ask General Kang

Ask General KangYes, but it’s called football, just like everywhere else in the galaxy.

North American moron.

Next time: If Bluknark the Terrrible is traveling from Alpha Centauri at the speed of light, and his friend Mistkea-a-a-k-pthi is traveling at 60 degrees from the galactic elliptic at .999 of the speed of light, from Altair, how long does it take for them to meet, and how quickly will an egg fry on your forehead while you solve this problem? Show your work for extra points.

Professor Quippy: Cure for Prostate Cancer is Beer!

By on June 13, 2006 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyYah! Finally a good news study! Beer can help prevent prostate cancer.

Researchers at Oregon State University have discovered a compound found in hops that can inhibit a protein in the cells of the prostate gland, which can cause cancer.

The only “down side” — as the researchers are calling it — is that you would have to drink a lot of beer to achieve the prophylactic effect. Seventeen beers! (Or, a “night out”, as they call it in Ireland.)

Now, if only some researchers would hurry up and discover that watching young strippers shake their booty prevents Alzheimer’s in gents of a certain age and that eating seven or eight bags of potato chips actually makes you more virile, then we’d have something!

Beer cure

Caught short

By on June 12, 2006 in But is it art?, General Skwib

For those of you who’ve had the unfortunate experience of needing a loo, and not being able to find one in time, you may know the phrase “caught short”.

It seems it can happen to entire provinces too. Apparently, Alberta’s building boom has caused a paucity of porta-potties. You know: moveable movement chambers, transient toilets, shifting shit-houses.

Worst of all, many summer festivals are the ones caught short, so if you’re planning to go watch A Midsummer Night’s Dream in the park, you probably want to bring along a baggie.

All this bladder-bending news comes courtesy of The Globe and Mail’s website, who apparently have been caught short in terms of producing actual news.