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The Carnival of Satire (#36)

By on June 1, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire, with pic of Bruce SpringsteenIf this carnie’s a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’! Welcome to the 36th edition of The Carnival of Satire.

The Band

Cue the electric guitars. Sober up the drummer! Jon Swift has 50 More Conservative Rock Songs to add to The National Review’s .

George at Facetation has found some lost liner notes written by Hunter S. Thompson. (General Kang is pretty sure this is not made up, but the liner notes sure read like great satire.)

Apparently, a cat was Falsely Accused of Passing Gas, a story vented over at at Catnabbit!. Dr. Tundra thought the pic was hilarious.

Chris Quimby, CPC – Certified Public Comedian shares his latest Job Interview, including thoughts about dairy products, superheroes and white-water rafting. (See, you have to read it now, don’t you?)

Miriam at miriam’s ideas explains how six librarians split the cheque. This isn’t really satire, but Thag insisted we share it.
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Crotchless panties and self-promotion

By on May 31, 2006 in General Skwib

It seems as though The Skwib is one of the premier destinations on the web if one is searching for crotchless panties. We know, writing this post is going to make it even worse, but something had to be said. The only saving grace — sort of — is that it is not the most popular search term referring people here: That is “Joan of Arc”.

We can only hope they’re not being used in the same search.

You might also have noticed the little “Recommend This Post” link at the bottom of each post. Just so you know, this is the new ranking system used on the Progressive Bloggers meta-site, so please, if you think what we’ve written here is worth sharing, give it a click and share the ironic joy.

Woman arrested by irony cops after prayer goes awry

By on May 31, 2006 in Parody & Satire, Skwibby fiction

lightningDAPHNE, Ala. (The Skwib) — The ferocious thunderstorm was just the start of the problems for Ella “Faithie” S. Uplicant on Monday.

The storm whipped up while her family was at the beach. She was concerned about their safety, so Uplicant prayed for their safe return as the tempest ripped through Baldwin County, Alabama.

“I find that God usually helps me out in times of trial,” she told The Skwib in a phone interview from jail this morning, “so I just got down on my knees, and started prayin’, right there in the kitchen.”

Instead of the safe return of her family, what she got was blast of lightning, right up the Cuisinart.

While the lightning strike destroyed a large section of her linoleum floor, Uplicant was uninjured. She was, however, soon arrested by an Alabama contingent of the Irony Police.

Charged with a single felony under the “dangerously ironic faith” section of the Irony Code, Uplicant will go to trial next week.

“I don’t see how I did anything wrong,” she said after her bail hearing.

While the Irony Police do not have an official policy on the existence of God, their public relations officer, Bartleby Whimsy, told The Skwib: “We’re not saying that God exists, but if It does, It has a sense of humor more twisted than George Carlin.”

Professor Quippy: Death Itch 3000

By on May 30, 2006 in Odd Science

Professor QuippyNever mind the 200-foot tidal waves and instant dry-freezing of Hollywood-style global warming, I’m freaked out by the prospect of psycho ivy.

A new study by Duke shows that poison ivy will soon be taking over our forests. Not only will there be a lot more of it, the poison ivy will be a lot more toxic. All because of our friend, carbon dioxide.

As the ivy evolves, no doubt it will discover that it is more effective to control our minds than it is to just make us itchy; my prediction is the poison that causes the poison ivy rash — urushiol — will start to contain psychotropic substances.

These drugs will convince the itchy, delusional victims of the psycho ivy to wear lots of leather outfits studded with bits of metal and hockey equipment. There will be an epidemic of massively spiked Mohawk hair, and blistered neo-savages will tool around the ivy-overgrown forests in ATVs, fighting it out in a post-apocalyptic world with tiny crossbows and morning stars made out of old Campbell’s soup cans.

Into this savage world a hero will come: Chamomile Max.

Inspired by: Global warming makes for itchier poison ivy

Here Be Carnies

By on May 28, 2006 in General Skwib

pirateAvast maties. Out here on the edges of a Sunday evening, where the map gets blurry (and not just from all the rum), ye might see some carnies. Argh!

The Carnival of the Godless, hosted right well by yer Financially Savvy Atheist, Frank. And here also be a fine parody, The Dai Vinci Cold.

And here be a sea of Insanities, navigated by yer captain, Dr. Sanity.

On the far horizon, the Best of Me Symphony, edited by that piratical playwright, Tom Stoppard.