A few carnivals to make note of on this Victoria Day celebration. (Yes, in Ontario we still celebrate Queen Victoria’s birthday. Don’t ask me why, I’m just glad we get a long weekend in May.)
Did they never see any of the Terminator movies?
India is joining the list of countries with plans to build an army of robots.
“They don’t get hungry,” said Gordon Johnson of the Joint Forces Command at the Pentagon. “They’re not afraid. They don’t forget their orders. They don’t care if the guy next to them has just been shot. Will they do a better job than humans? Yes.”
And oh yeah, they can turn on you! Or malfunction. If your PC had the ability to shoot a weapon, would you give it one? Windows can barely handle Dreamweaver and Photoshop running on my system at the same time. I can’t imagine the carnage that would ensue after I loaded up GrenadeLauncher 3000 and handed it an M-16.
Professor Quippy: Proto-Jungle Fever
The anthropology world is screeching and swinging from the branches. The news from a new DNA study shows that humans and chimps split much later than we originally thought from an original species.
And that they continued to mate long after that first split.
You got it, our early hominid ancestors were bumping uglies with chimps, as recently as about five million years ago, according to the Broad Institute of MIT and Harvard study.
Of course, some suspect that incidents of hot monkey love may be a little more recent than that. And General Kang is positive.
The Carnival of Satire (#34)
Welcome to The Carnival of Satire, where irony reigns and all our venalities are put in their place. This week’s graphic is in honor of Sir Paul. But onto the satire:
Okay, we found this high concept parody that makes monetary policy entertaining! We’re not sure who actually created it, but the singer is supposed to be Columbia Business School Dean Glenn Hubbard (hence the final lines, “CBS is great, wouldn’t change my fate…”). Extra relevant with the markets dipping and the run on resources.
Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables has a great limerick about the Sleeper VEEP.
Limerick Savant has another with No one expects the NSA .
Muammar Quadaffi at Vox Poplar Is Right About Everything & Don’t You Forget It! is ready to Get Normal.
Ahistoricality discovered this parody of a rant (or ranting satire, we’re not sure), “In which I fantasize” hosted at the exquisitely titled Gentleman’s C. And on a less ranty note, Ahistoricality found the prose poem: Deciderata.
What was Bush thinking when they told him about the attacks? Well, Jon Swift has found President Bush’s My Pet Goat Margin Notes and they are revealing!
After reading this post from Catnabbit!, we suspect we may soon see a new picture book about Covert and Spanky the cats hired by the NSA to Build a Kitty Litter Box Database.
As if the NSA data-mining wasn’t shocking enough, Joan Conde at Mamacita reveals that the Church of Latter Day Saints Admits Phone Call Plan. Continue Reading →
David Hasselhoff is a frickin’ comedy genius, o-rama.
If you’re looking for a little hump-day humor, you may be surprised to know that David Hasselhoff is a frickin’ comedy genius. And he’s Hooked On a Feeling. In addition to being funny, this video is mildy disturbing.
I’m not a big fan of the “they came in this order, so I’m presenting them in this order” method of doing a carnival, but that’s what we got with this week’s Carnival of the Vanities. That said, the host doesn’t live up the blog’s name, as the post descriptions are short and well done at Accidental Verbosity.
Beijing Olympic Mascots: Press Clubbing
Press clubbing is already an extremely popular sport in China, and the authorities plan to introduce this as a new demonstration activity at the Beijing Olympics.
In this exciting competition, journalists and writers are released into the wild where they endeavor to scribble something damaging to the Chinese government. But wait, as exciting as that is, imagine how much more thrilling if they have to do it while dodging the heavy blows of the People’s Honorable Clubbers, armed with a variety of cudgels, field hockey sticks, and the occasional baseball bat. But there’s more; if the writers somehow survive their drubbing, the they then have to endure years of captivity!
Unfortunately, we don’t think the rest of the world will ever be able to catch up to the prowess of the Chinese press clubbers (who currently have an unassailable lead in the Asian Totalitarian League). And in some countries, the press is too eager to self-club, taking all the fun out of it.
More demonstration sports with the Beijing Olympic Mascots:
Tibetan Dissident Biathlon | Organ Relay | Hu Flung Falongong | Forced Sterilization Footy | Press Clubbing | 50-Meter Land Requisition Event
‘Inspired’ by:
China sentences writer to 12 years in prison