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The Carnival of Satire (#24)

By on March 9, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of Satire (#24)We know, we know. Why is there a picture of Dr. Tundra’s Norse Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) fouling an otherwise beautiful web page? You will have to scroll through this week’s Carnival of Satire to discover why. (You may be asking yourself what the heck is the Norse FSM? Dr. Tundra has founded his own religious cult, a schism from the original Pastafarianism belief.) But on to an excellent COS this week:

J.C. Wilmore at The Richmond Democrat made General Kang snarf coffee through his nose with a new dismotivation poster “Prevarication”.

Ahistoricality, discovered this wonderful bit of satire on politically correct advice: Ex Libris – What to do when you meet someone who is differently-abled.

International Women’s Day was yesterday, and Coyote Howls put us on to this song from Pink . Her satire is itself kind of ironic (we mean, she does an all-to0-believable job of looking like the thing she’s satirizing), but we still had to admire it. (Thag especially, that dog.)

In keeping with yesterday’s celebration of women, Joan Conde at Mamacita has a new take on an old fable, Cindermom: A Single Parent Fable.

But back to women. Peace Moonbeam, at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, presents Hare Trigger. Be careful Peace — that rabbit’s dynamite! Continue Reading →

Stories in ‘Celebration’ of International Women’s Day

By on March 8, 2006 in General Skwib, Parody & Satire

International Women's DayShe’s the homecoming king!
Yep, that’s right, a lesbian at Hood College, a liberal arts school in Maryland won the vote fair and square, beating out three men. We’re not exactly sure what a homecoming king is, or why you would want to be one, but all the best Jennifer Jones for winning the honor.

South Dakota bans most abortions
It’s o-ffic-ial ladies, yer wombs belong to the gents of South Dakota. It could be worse. The Al Swearengens of the world could run things, and then they’d own the external bits too.

Porn star shows flair for full-bodied wine
We don’t even need to satirize this one. We’ll just quote it:

Roberto Cipresso, one of Italy’s most respected winemakers, has startled the oenological world by going into business with Savanna Samson, a curvaceous New York blonde whose last film earned her the porn industry’s highest award for best all-girl sex scene.

The improbable collaboration between the X-film actress and the former papal vintner has produced a big surprise: a highly acclaimed Italian red wine that has been described as earthy, luscious and full-bodied – and that’s just Samson’s picture on the label.

Carnival O-Rama

By on March 8, 2006 in General Skwib

Thanks to the following carnivals for allowing The Skwib to pollute the net!

Ask General Kang: What do you think of Margaret Atwood’s Long Pen invention?

By on March 6, 2006 in Ask General Kang, Monkeys!

Ask General KangIt’s freakin’ brilliant!

I mean, now when I write my best-selling autobiography (I haven’t decided whether to call it I AM KANG, or APOLOGIA OF A SPACE CHIMP) I won’t have to rub shoulders with the great unwashed masses on my book tour. Of course, at the same time, they won’t be able to partake of my own pleasant and musky personal odor, but this way I’ll be able to scrawl my illegible Kang Hancock on a lot more copies.

Everybody wins! (Well, except for the fans who actually want to meet me.)

The only problem that I can foresee is if the Long Pens become self-aware, and stage a some kind of global insurrection. Atwood should probably install some kind of failsafe device so that the pens can’t start talking with nuclear weapons, convincing the nukes to infringe on our liberties. (300,000 degrees Celsius will certain prevent us from watching Desperate Housewives or Zoroastrian worship.)

If we can prevent that, then probably the worst the self-aware Long Pen will do is try to embarrass the author on the other end by writing things like: “I’m a dreary hack” and “I couldn’t find a plot if it bit me in the ass.”

Next time: I like to use the word “sartorial”, does this make me a pretentious wanker?

The Carnival of Satire (#23)

By on March 3, 2006 in Carnival of Satire

The Carnival of SatireOkay, we’re back. Not sure what happened to our database, but it restored everything but yesterday’s Carnival, so here it is again. We were a little light on submissions this week at The Carnival of Satire, so we’ve “fleshed” it out with a few pieces of satire that we found. We’ll start with a found piece, and then alternate with a submitted item.

General Kang was really freaked out when he read this story about a Paris Hilton-like celebrity who gets a conscience transplant. He felt better when we said it was science fiction, and satire. We hope you enjoy The Jiminy Device by Lisa Mantchev at Futurismic

Dean Swift at A Swiftian Rant takes the piss out of marketing surveys in this inspired piece called Going National.

Long War Incorporated, by Mark Fiore is almost too on the nose to be considered satire, still we enjoyed it and it was brand new as of Wednesday. (Hat tip to Uncomfortably Numb.)

Madeleine Begun Kane at Mad Kane’s Notables goes for the family jewels in Bye-Bye Balls

All you gentlemen meat-marketers, pay attention. This list from Jenna at Girlspoke explains how those women are subtly saying no.

Pluto’s Dad at Eyes On The Ball News presents CBS: Scientists Create New Number for Bush’s Low Approval Rating

And part of the reason for that, the ports thing, is illustrated ably by the folks at Point Five, who did not submit this brilliant spoof, but which we include anyway: Dubai Ports World — They’re Just Like Us.

Tommy at Striving For Average presents The News Special Effects

This photo about the perils of outsourcing is making the rounds. Heh. ( Hat tip to Silly Humans.)

And taking us home is Peace Moonbeam, at The Peace Moonbeam Chronicles, who presents Leftist Love.

Once again, our apologies for our disappearance shortly after publishing the COS, and thanks to everyone for their submissions. Remember you can submit here with this handy form; the COS is listed at the Ubercarnival, and at the Blog Carnival too.