A lot of systems moving to the south in the United Kingdom these days.
Author Archive | Mark A. Rayner
Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Voyage’s End
February 29, 1933, Capipi Bumonsis
I sense the voyage is about to come to an end. The customs agents here are strange men. Their beards are not mellow, but wild and full of strife.
Oh, for a helping of soup!
But there is no rest. The man with the cane spots my imagined tail, and I am nicked. The police are angry.
They make me play whist.
About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Unfortunately, he was beyond the reach of traditional foot architecture.
For most of his life, the artist was perpendicular, occasionally ingested the bodily fluids of other mammals, and seldom baked.
Marvellous Hairy is cooked and ready for your delectation. You should go there and get a copy. We will send you muffins to say thank you. Speaking of muffins… Originally published July 2008.
A tribute to the late Sir Edward Elgar
I love how he has to struggle to get the premise out, because he knows is SO damn funny.
Alltop is a maestro of the less-popular instrument, the garden hose in knee pit.
Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Freeze the Brass…
April 12, Jungian Analysis
Swollen cheeks and brass protuberances strike the crew of the Good Ship Plotkin. It is the worst outbreak of Bugler’s Mouth I’ve seen since the Great War. One by one, the crew is afflicted, and I am left alone to man the ship with “Ahoy Gregor you great walloping pederast.” Alas, my monkey burns…
Next Time: Angry Beards
About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he played with an incomplete deck of cards.
Insert obvious dice-short-a-few-spots joke here. Then insert your purchase chip and buy Marvellous Hairy here. Don’t mention “insertion” while you’re here. Originally published July 2008.
Click Clunk — you’ll never have a bath again
Alltop doesn’t see no need for bathing.
Toulouse Le Grandfig’s Summer Vacation: Kiss-meat
SS Plotkin, circa. 1901
I separate the mists of time like the Great Jabber Monkey’s own cosmic speculum.
The Fates glare at me as I slowly walk up the gangway: Clotho, Lachesis and Atropos.
“You cannot avoid your destiny,” Clotho says to me, her sea-cap at a jaunty angle.
“No,” Lachesis affirmed. “There is no escape.”
“Arf!” said Atropos, and then piddled on Clotho’s gaberdine cruiseware.
Next Time: A Brassademic
About the Photographer: Toulouse Le Grandfig was a surrealist painter, photographer and writer who never gave up dadaism. Also, he played a mean sousaphone.