This sounds like an exciting product, but I am somewhat afraid of what happens after you’ve enjoyed a plate of laser beans, fiber-wise.
Other high-tech, high-fiber products to consider inventing:
Please leave other new product ideas in the comments.
Do you blog? Yes? Then when you sit down to write something for that blog, do you “write a blog” or do you “write a post”?
If you answered “write a blog”, then you are one of the doofus digerati that makes the Phrase Freak cry.
It’s a common error (especially on MySpace) and one that is understandable. The blog is still a relatively new phenomenon (not in web years, but in the writing world), so the conventions are still shaking out. That said, this is an error in usage that we should all try to stamp out now, while there’s still time. (I’m still upset that phrase freaks and grammarians everywhere were unable to prevent the odious “proactive” or even worse, “moving forward.“)
If you were writing an article or story for a newspaper, would you say, I’m writing a newspaper? Of course not, that would sound ridiculous. (Unless you’re a one-person operation, in which case it may be accurate, but still sound absurd.)
If you were writing a sit-com would you say, I’m writing a TV? Only if you were the Vice-President of TV.
Acceptable:
This gets 4 gobsmacks out of 10:
I call this the “magic box” syndrome, based on Arthur C. Clarke’s famous maxim: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
Ah you puny humans and your democracy delusion … It is so amusing.
I can only tell you how I plan to cast my “vote” at the next election, which is to evaluate the parties and their leaders and decide which would be best for me when my armada finally arrives.
My first choice would be Stephen Harper and the “Conservative” party; I have run a personality profile on him, and it reveals a deep streak of self-loathing that I can use when my invasion force arrives. In addition to a pathological hatred of anyone who does not do what he says, at the same time, he worships those entities who are more powerful than him — the US, the G20, his imaginary god. This bifurcated personality will be easily swayed when my attack ships appear in Earth orbit. I imagine one look at a troop of gorilloids wearing fezes and armed with broadswords will convince him of Neeknabian superiority, and he will put Canada’s people and resources at my disposal.
The second-best choice would be Jack Layton and the “New Democratic” party — should they win, they will be unprepared to rule the country, and will leave it weak and confused and easily beaten by a phalanx of Über-Chimps decked out in gold spandex and helmets that look like the business end of a whale phallus. (Their plasma weapons will also be impressive and devastating.)
I would prefer not to have the Liberals in power, as they tend to do whatever circumstances demand, no matter what they said they were going to do during the election, and the Greens worry me, but only because I suspect Elizabeth May could be a formidable war-time leader.
Constable MacHeath was surprisingly helpful when Torag the Bounty Hunter asked him if he’d seen a couple of aliens recently.
And, did he know where he could find a decent brothel?