Archive | The Lost PowerPoints

Vincent presents “shockingly bad hair” (circa 1880) –> slide 3

• Yes, I have bad hair
• Yes, it’s “shocking”

Because of:
• poverty
• disillusionment
• it’s a good way to ensure solitude.

Vincent presents “blank canvas” (circa 1884) –> slide 7

• can’t be afraid of making mistakes
• if you are –> stagnation, mediocrity
• some painters –> mesmerized by blank canvas
• got to get dirty, violate that canvas!

Vincent presents “on painting” (circa 1885) –> slide 1

• true, my paintings don’t sell
• people will recognize their value one day
• I wish I could get a decent haircut though
• and a little more absinthe.

Vincent on “sanity” (circa 1879-1890) –> slide 12

• put heart and soul into painting
• lost my mind in process.

Vincent on “sanity” (circa 1879-1890) –> slide 13

“All -Night Cafe”:
• expression of the idea that at a cafe:
• one can ruin oneself
• become crazy and criminal
• one can drink absinthe.

Paul Gaugin presents “The Fellow Liked Yellow” (circa 1894) –> slide 3

• he loved yellow, did good Vincent
• gleams of sunlight warming his soul

Paul Gaugin presents “The Fellow Liked Yellow” (circa 1894) –> slide 4

• in Arles, both of us insane
• constantly at war over beautiful colors
• I adored red
• he, taking his yellowest brush, wrote on the suddenly purple wall:

I am of sound mind,
I am the Holy Ghost.

Vincent Van Gogh, b. March 30, 1853.

Yay, it’s almost the Ides of March. And you know what that means, salad lovers!

You can find Brutus’s homicidal presentation in Lost PowerPoint Slides (among others) at:
The Lost PowerPoint Slides (Ides of March Edition). Check out the original backstabber’s thoughts on Julius Caesar as king.

–As a purely personal aside, the HBO series “Rome” has done a great job with this historical drama, and in particular, I liked their take on Brutus and Cicero. (And James Purefoy as Mark Anthony is brilliant.)

Barbie pushes 50, presented by Ken (March 9, 2007) –> slide 1

• She’s 50 in two years, and she still looks great.
• We’ve had a great time, even when she had a panda as a pet.
• Of course, the sex has never been great, because you know …. no genitals.

Nabisco Marketing VP presents “Oreo Fun Barbie” (circa 1997) –> slide 6

• Excellent cross-promotion joining deliciousness of Oreo cookies with powerful Barbie brand
• We’ll manufacture white and black versions of doll and sell with cookies
• No downside!

Barbie presents “I’m talking” (circa 1992) –> slide 10

• Will we ever have enough clothes?
• I love shopping!
• I’m too thin to menstruate!

Barbie launched at the American International Toy Fair on March 9, 1959. Photo by Ordinary Guy.

A sentient and articulate goldfish presents “bad examples” –> Slide 2

• don’t approve of chaos
• suspicious of quantum box carried by cat
• Things One and Two are clearly some kind of demented homunculi.

Grumpy floppy-eared creature presents “Dodgy Breakfast Foods” –> Slide 12

Green eggs & ham:

• look freaky
• smell strange
• must be addictive (Sam-I-Am always seems waaay too excited about them)
• probably some kind of genetic mutation.

Max presents “what the hell is going on?” –> Slide 6

• Green Master seems angry about something
• Smells good from Whoville
• Wish we could go down there and eat stuff
• Hey! We’re going!
• The Green Master rocks, even when he ties crap to my head!

Anniversaries: Theodor Seuss Geisel born March 2, 1904, Cat in the Hat published 1957.

Johannes Gutenberg presents “Ray of Light” (circa, 1439) –> slide 1

• came to me one day while I was making mirrors for pilgrims to Aachen
• what if it was possible to produce books faster
• like Saul on road to Damascus
• might have been because of the mercury fumes.

Gutenberg presents “seed money” (circa, 1448) –> slide 6

• working model requires funding
• asking you, my generous brother-in-law, for loan
• also need a place to crash here in Mainz.

Gutenberg presents “proof of concept” (circa 1450) –> slide 12

Therefore, my new printing press requires:

• movable type
• process for making such type in quantity
• oil-based ink
• press similar to the screw olive and wine presses
• more money to start production
• design geeks to create typefaces.

Gutenberg proposes the 42-line Bible (circa, 1452) –> slide 2

• Bibles are popular
• Bibles are expensive
• If we mass produce the text and have them illuminated separately, we’ll make a killing.

Wealthy moneylender Johann Fust presents case to Archbishop’s court (circa, 1455) –> slide 3

• Gutenberg has embezzled funds
• owes me 2000 guilders
• I should get printing press.

Gutenberg presents “I invented mass communication and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” (circa, 1465) –> slide 5

• very nice that Archbishop Adolf von Nassau recognized my contribution by naming me Hofmann (gentleman of the court)
• stipend also means I won’t starve to death
• 2000 liters of tax-free wine also takes away some of the sting.

Johannes Gutenberg began production of his 42-line Bible on February 23, 1455.

The Ghost of Marley presents “Boo” –> Slide 3

• Investment strategies not helping me now
• Mostly wandering Earth in penitence
• Heavy chains and iron ledgers are not a fashion statement
• You’re next buddy.

The Ghost of Christmas Past presents “But are you bitter?” –> Slide 5

• So your Dad didn’t visit you at boarding school.
• And he called you a waste of oxygen.
• And the only person who loved you, your sister, died.
• But does that mean you should be such a wanker?

The Ghost of Christmas Present presents “Think of the children!” –> Slide 2

• Tiny Tim is so cute.
• He’s cute, and he’ll die!
• Do you want him to die?
• Your nephew thinks you could still change you know.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come presents “You Can Call Me Mr. Death” –> only slide

• Tiny Tim
• You
• = wormfood

Inspired by the original (first published December 19, 1843)